tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88260545426312541352024-03-21T13:53:30.339-04:00The Midwestern BelleEmynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-39115893728868473352016-11-13T21:12:00.001-05:002016-11-13T21:12:24.078-05:00When We Make Plans, God Throws His Head Back in Gleeful Laughter Like that one Oprah GIF*Note: This is a vent. A flow of thoughts. A release. Not meant to be proper.*<br />
<br />
It's been awhile - almost 2 years actually since I've sat down and really shared my life with you guys.<br />
<br />
To make a long story short, this space is where I get things off of my chest. Writing is truly my therapy and as I start to type, I can just feel everything beginning to melt away. Over the past (almost) 3 years, I was in a relationship that I honestly thought would be my last. We had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day? I just *knew* we were together for the long haul because we had a chemistry that was amazing. I felt like we loved each other with the same intensity, had the same goals and values and thought we were each other's soulmates. Like, he was my first true everything, and what woman doesn't want her first truth to be the last?<br />
I remember the first time I compromised my needs and wants. It was December 31, 2015. I found out some dishonesty was taking place behind my back and it broke me. I believe I cried for 2 months straight because never in my black ass life would I betray and disrespect someone's love the way mine had been. I should've put things into perspective at the time and moved on, but I was so in love that I believed that things would work out, cause we were "in it for the long haul." The second time I compromised myself, was July 4 of this year. I was confronted with the same issues from December. The twist was we were in Houston looking for apartments. We were literally taking the first steps to realizing our 2 year goal of no longer being in a long distance relationship. I remember saying, "You're a fucking liar and we're not moving to Houston cause you always lying!" At that moment, I should've stood in that. Instead? My in love ass decided that we should move forward and still move to TX. The next month, we planned a trip to HOU to pay for the apartment we chose......I'm the only one who showed up....but he had all the money. At that moment, something inside of me fell off the shelf. I no longer felt the desire to try because I was the only one who ever tried. I was the only one who ever fought, when the entire time I should've realized that I was the one who shoulda been chilling in my amazingness and letting niggas do the fighting for me.<br />
For a month, I tried to make something flicker. I tried to turn back on that fire that had kept me burning for so long, but I just couldn't. Yes, I still loved him, but I was unbelievably angry - at him, at God, at myself for being so dependent. We were sooooo close but here comes some more bullshit. One Saturday, after the HOU abandonment, I laid in my bed and cried until my eyes were almost swollen shut. I couldn't believe that this man who literally swept me off of my feet and once was the man I had been praying for could disregard me in such a major way, I tried to look back at signs before December and I couldn't find any. Yes, there was an issue where he'd text allllll the time, but I just considered it a generational thing where guys just don't know how to pick up the phone. I don't know why y'all are allergic to phone conversation, honestly. Truly. Anyway, we had a heart to heart and I thought things would work themselves out but things just constantly went downhill. I found myself doing what he should've been doing and finding myself extremely unhappy because I wasn't the one who had the making up to do.<br />
<br />
Then shit really hit the fan. I got broken up with at 8am while I was at work Via text. When *I* tried to call to give him a chance to at least do it like he cared about me, my call was forwarded after one ring, Instant tears. I had never felt so disrespected or embarrassed or stupid. I stayed in my office that entire day just bawling. It was a horrible time. I woke up crying, went to sleep crying. Stayed away from my house because it was too lonely. Stopped eating cause I'd cry. Like, it was bad lol. After all of the maltreatment, I was somehow not ready to let go. We gave it another go round which lasted MAYBE three weeks. I find it funny because I was treated even worse smh lol...it was like God was like, "Okay, you want this nigga so bad? Here. Imma let you get tired of this shit since you refuse to go cold turkey." The sadness in my face, demeanor, work ethic was so scary. I had never been in a place where I was so not as peace that I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. I couldn't even take decent selfies because I was overcast with this shadow of gloom that just made everything so unattractive, I couldn't find the positive in anything, I hated my job, I hated life. I just wanted to crawl into a ball on my mom's lap and cry for hours, so I did. The first thing I said to her was, "I'm so unhappy and I hate it! I've never felt so undervalued, unappreciated and sad and it's like, I can't get over it!" And I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and she let me do it. One of the most memorable and important things she told me was that "I am lovable. I am worthy. I am deserving" Three things I had forgotten and it showed. I forgot that I was lovable just the way I am and anyone that makes me feel like I have to shift myself to fit into their mold is not the one for me. I forgot that I was worthy of a love that is all-consuming. One that makes me feel secure, warm and inspired. I forgot that I was deserving of the love that I give. The kind that makes me feel like I'm the most special person in the world because I have someone in my corner who would go to war for me without second thought. Someone who is unafraid to tell me that I'm getting on their nerves and vise versa. Someone who I can chill with in my sweats and bonnet, sharing a bag of potato chips, as we watch trash television. So simple. I swear I am not difficult, but I was almost "coerced" into believing that what I was asking for was just the most difficult and impossible shit ever. Like.....<br />
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I've learned that you cannot teach someone how to love you if they do not wholly love themselves. No matter how amazing and cool and significant you think someone is? That...shit...doesn't...matter...if they don't see those things in themselves. No matter how you much you tell them, how much you show them by sticking around, they won't get it. They'll just think you're stupid for sticking around with someone (themselves) who they feel isn't worthy. They'll take you and your beautiful ass for granted because you've taught them that no matter how they treat you you're gonna stick around. And oh, bih. They absolutely positively know they have someone amazing. They do...like, don't let these niggas have you out here questioning your greatness, asking yourself, "I'm so great and wonderful. Why doesn't so and so see it?" THEY SEE IT. THEY KNOW. And if they know it? That Kappa, with shoulders loose as water, that's a lawyer? Is just waiting to be all the man you'd ever need and want sees it too.<br />
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*takes deep breath* Okay. I think I'm done. I just really needed this space to vent. And I feel so much better. This isn't meant to bash, by any means because I'm not angry. I didn't write this to be mean spirited. I've made peace with the fact that when someone is unable to love you the way you need to be loved, you can't force it. That's like expecting a 6 month old to run a 5k. It's not within their capacity right now, but it will be eventually if they choose for it to be. I can't be mad at someone for completely being unable. That's selfish and it's illogical. What's even more selfish is playing someone's crutch. Being a crutch is not beneficial to either party because one party isn't allowed to do much needed growth and the other creates stress for themselves that is completely unnecessary.<br />
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<br />
As a final thought: Love yourself ladies (and gents). Know what you deserve. Never downplay your greatness. Sometimes that material shit is overcompensation for being an asshole (thanks to my aunt for putting that into perspective for me). Want what you want and don't back down, Growth is uncomfortable af, but it's necessary. And finally, don't be a side chick. Nobody likes those. Especially dumb ass ones that make themselves visible....Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-59766203476605029102014-12-31T23:01:00.000-05:002014-12-31T23:01:14.667-05:00Final Belle Post of 2014<div class="MsoNormal">
As the last post of 2014, I think it’s appropriate to
outline what I have learned in the outgoing year. Whether I experienced things
personally or saw someone else go through them, there was always a lesson
behind it that helped me develop into the better Emynee that I fully intend to
take into the New Year. So, without any
further to do, here they are in no particular order:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Intuition: It’s There for a Reason<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
“Gut feeling”, “conscience” or whatever you
want to call it, is in essence the same thing: the little voice inside of us that
tells us whether something is great or completely just to the left side of the
universe. Earlier this year, I decided to finally listen after developing some
suspicion with someone I was on and off with, mostly off though. I discovered
that this person was absolutely deceitful and my life was better off without
them. Unfortunately, it should not have taken me that long to realize how
horribly they were playing with my mind because I began to develop feelings
about their character MONTHS before I was faced with reality. When I finally
listened to that little voice, I was free and learned that even the smallest
whisper will save time and energy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Sometimes You Just Have to Let Them Go<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
I’ve never spoken on this to anyone except those
who are very close to me, but earlier this year, I lost my best friend in the whole
world. For about 10 years, we told each other everything, but after some
thinking she decided that it was best for her if we not associate anymore. She
had premature feelings of rejection since she felt as if she’d be replaced with
my “new” sisters and how everything with me was one-sided, but….eh. After she
told me that, I could literally feel my heart shatter, I had to call all the
crew because I was in distress. After a few hours of consultation from my other
best friends who have remained so dear to me, I realized that people figure
themselves out in different ways and they are always right in their own eyes,
even if everyone else looking in knows their reality to be completely false. Her
feelings of insecurity had not one thing to do with me and my situation or
friendship. I did not chase, I did not regret my decision to delete, block,
etc., I just let her go. She had to walk down a path that is right to her and
all I can do is let her do that. I won’t lie, I miss my friend sometimes, and
all the time I catch myself saying, “Dang, I wish I could tell her so and so”
but I can’t and that’s okay. If she ever comes back around, it won’t be the
same because personally, I don’t get over hurtful things well, but if she never
comes back around that’s fine too because, life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->One Statement: Looking through people is a lot less
energy depleting than not liking them. I cannot help you grow up, but I can really
hope you learn to cash checks your a** wrote before you get into the real
world.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--> Write
your vision<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, it is not enough to say that I will do something; I
must actually write it down and see it every day I wake up. If I roll out of
bed and read what I have written down every day, even if I’m not reading it
aloud, I am putting those vibes of positive energy into the universe. I am speaking
things into existence and subconsciously taking steps to ensure that the actions
I take are all in line with what I want my life to look like presently or in
the future. I was so blessed in 2014. I was reintroduced to someone who I now
care about deeply, I became a woman of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc., I
received an internship that taught me what I don’t want to do, I had lunch with
Dr. Michael Lomax, President and CEO of UNCF, I traveled, made friends from all
over the country, was able to speak on behalf of UNCF at a few schools in South
Carolina, received a job offer, and several more personal victories that I
could honestly go on and on about. Even though there were some things that I
would have preferred not to happen, God had a way of showing me those things
should be the least of my concerns when looking at all the opportunities He
presented to me. I say all that to say, write what you want to see come forth
in your life and thank God for those things no matter how big or small you may
think they are. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->5.)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->You are enough.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had to end that one with a period because those three
words change lives. You, with your thickness and all your quirks, bad habits,
and corny jokes are enough. No need to run around trying imitate “cool” because
that’s what you think will get you ahead. Be you in whatever sense that is and
watch that be more than enough for everyone who you attract, whether that be
professionally, romantically or just in the quest to find girlfriends who you
will be able to consider lifelong friends. When you stick out for just being
you and perfectly confident in who you are, people take notice and will respect
you more for it. You feel like going a week without makeup? Do it. You feel
like being alone for a few hours to gather yourself? Be comfortable doing so
without being pressured into socializing. You feel like speaking to someone one
day and not the next? Okay. So? Who is gonna check you, boo? Nobody. Be unashamedly
you and watch things fall in line exactly how you want them to. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->6.)<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->No regrets<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Take chances, even if you are unsure about something because
it is better to have done it then to say you should have done it. Try new
things, talk to strangers, help those less fortunate than you, don’t allow
people to waste your time, say what is on your mind if it is right, and most
importantly love those who are special to you unashamedly to the point of
surprising yourself sometimes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last but definitely not least I’d like to thank my readers
who have continued to support me through another year. I hope your years were
as eventful as mine and if not, I am sending vibes of incomparable love and
positivity your way with hopes that this upcoming year, will be the best year
ever! XOXO<o:p></o:p></div>
Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-55878747857079739712014-12-01T02:37:00.000-05:002014-12-01T02:37:14.155-05:00Distant Lovers <div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday, I was in complete emotional shambles and he, was
the reason why. Being miles away from your significant other is hard work, but
if you all are really “meant to be,” the difficulty is worth it. However, when
you all’s time together comes to an end and you have to go your separate ways,
it physically hurts, especially when a voice, text messages and memories are
all of what you’ll have of them until the opportunity comes for the two of you
to make more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My wish is for everyone to have that crazy and unexplainable, yet completely justifiable mix of emotions I was experiencing yesterday. To
have an encounter with a love so heavy that you have no clue what to do with yourself.
To leave things exactly how they left them because that misplacement of items
is the only tangible thing you’ll have of them before you meet again. To be
emotionally disoriented for hours on end after sharing your “until next time”
kiss because that next time seems like forevers away, but at the same time,
exponentially grateful for the piece of themselves they gave you while they
were here. To remember the full feeling that the kisses, hugs and days spent in
bed watching bad TV gave you; to silently think to yourself, “Dang, I want this
forever,” while you deeply inhale their scent, and methodically exhale so that it
has enough time to leave its impression on your brain. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This type of functionality is what I have hoped for since
deciding I wanted something serious, and all I can do is thank God that He
chose me to entrust this piece of Him to. I am so completely comfortable and
recovered, and feel as though I have met my soul mate. He is my confirmation that
I am good, and my motivation to be better. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-77701276254003969712014-08-10T01:53:00.002-04:002014-08-10T13:44:37.846-04:00Always On Time"I'm not always there when you call, but I'm always on time...and I gave you my all, now baby be mine" yeah, that song's hardly relevant when looking at the context, but the words, just being the words, I like...so, I'm going to take them....and run with them.<br />
<br />
So, picture this, May 23rd (almost 24th) and I'm sitting at my laptop at one of my best friend's house in Cali and I get a direct message on Twitter. My first thought is, "I hope this isn't a rapper trying to promote his mix tape because I don't feel like being nice tonight." My second thought is, "I hope this isn't that little Detroit guy who said his crotch looked just like a Snicker's bar. He clearly does not get the point and I dropped him for a reason besides him being 5'2"." So, I decided to go on and open it and I see a "#heyboo" from a guy who I least expected it from. At this point I'm sure my face has that concerned yet amused look on it, but I go ahead and greet him back because, well, he took me to IHOP. As the conversation goes on, he tells me he's had a crush on me among other things and I'm like "Whaat?!?! Get outta here!" but I'm polished, so I asked him why he never told me and he said it was because he thought I had a man. I literally laughed out loud because in reality I was super single and wasn't interested in anyone at the time because I was so invested in improving and repairing myself and praying to God for a good guy because I deserved one. Then he came along...not when I wanted him, but when the time was appropriate. Truth be told, there was something about him that sparked my interest in who he really was before this whole thing and it all started second semester of my Freshman year when we had Introduction to Education together and he got up in front of the class and talked about his mother and why he was in education. Even though I was thinking "Huh? There's Black people there?" after he said where he was from, I don't think I took my eyes off of him the whole time he was talking. I saw confidence and passion in him and I absolutely loved that.<br />
<br />
He eventually gets around to asking me for my number and I gave it to him because it seemed only right after he "electric slid" into my DMs the way he did. I look at my best friend and she says,"Okay Mynee." I laugh because I never thought in a million years that this guy would have my number for any reason outside of borrowing a textbook.<br />
<br />
The next morning, I wake up to a text that reads: <i>"Good morning my future Queen have a wonderful day sweetheart." </i>I smile SO hard and think to myself, "Yes! A good one!" The conversation went on as natural as can be and it hasn't stopped since. Not the genuine passion, admiration or anything. As a matter of fact, it's deepened and after I decided to stop being scared of failure I allowed myself to jump into that sea of uncertainty because he's worth it.<br />
<br />
He is amazing and beautiful in every way imaginable and he makes me feel the same way. I don't have to prove anything to him because he loves me for me and I him. He makes me laugh and smile and makes me good nervous sometimes and I have to get consultation from 70s babies, but that's okay because I don't want to always have something to say back. I enjoy being taken off guard. He's not crazy or insecure. He even grew his beard out for me! *swoons* He's exactly opposite of me in temperament because he's so chill and I'm....not, but at the same time we have so many similarities and I see the best parts of my dad in him. He even has that reformed hoe part *laughs*.<br />
<br />
When I was younger and would think about the kind of man I wanted, someone like him came to mind and I'm so happy that he's a reality and no longer just a pigment of my imagination. After all this time, he finally came around but I guess it took all those messed up situations for me to appreciate someone as wonderful as he. He fits the mold of my perfect man and I can say that with confidence...I'm not looking at his potential and saying that he could possibly be, because he already is. If he ever decided to up and leave I'd be completely devastated *laughs* like devastation past devastation. I literally could not take it and would spend all of my income on a cat kingdom. However, I'd rather not focus on that. I'm so excited to see what life and God has in store for us individually and together.<br />
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So here's my bottom line: It happens ladies, just be patient. God has someone especially for you. He may not come when you need him but he'll be there when you are really ready and able to accept someone as magnificent as you deserve. Until that moment, keep working on yourself and as easy as it may seem to do, do not lose faith.<br />
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As always, if you have any comments, questions or suggestions, feel free to leave them below! I'll be more than happy to address them! XOXOEmynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-3582718781687350712014-08-10T00:07:00.002-04:002014-08-10T00:07:52.699-04:00Words of Wisdom Pt. IISo, I know it's been a while...but for good reason. I have learned so much in these past few months and I'm so excited to be back on here to share my experiences and hopefully be an inspiration. Usually, I go into a long story, but this time, for organization's sake, I'll number the lessons and add the story behind it.<br />
<br />
1.) There's nothing wrong with being a good friend.<br />
<br />
I am told that often times I am a better friend to others than they are to me and I've come to terms with that. For that reason, my circle is small...and quite frankly, I have no issues with that. Earlier this year, I had a situation where I was friends with someone who basically wore a mask because they were afraid of who they really were. Being a good friend, I believed this "front" and when the truth behind who they really were was revealed, I was devastated. Not because my heart was broken because of the loss of a friend, but because I trusted that person and they lied in my face day in and day out for months. At the end of the day, I chose not to blame myself even though it was fairly easy since "all the signs were there." I chose to see the situation as simply being a good friend and trusting that they were the same to me, but ya know, the world is not like me and I learned that lesson (once again) in another dimension.<br />
<br />
2.) Positive vibes!<br />
<br />
God already has your destiny written, it's just up to you to feel deserving of that. Over the summer, I was in DC as a UNCF Walton Education Reform Fellow and I absolutely loved it! The work I was doing as far as creating a grant database and doing research? Not so much. However, the people I met were 100% lifelong friend material or simply people you should just have in your back pocket for references or because they know someone who knows someone. The atmosphere was great and I enjoyed the contrast between urban and white collar. I've already decided that I'm moving back up there and it's non-negotiable *laughs*. The biggest lesson I learned was that people love to feel appreciated. Who knew that inviting someone over for dinner could lead to lunch with Dr. Michael Lomax, President of UNCF or that a card, blueberries and flowers (paired with hard work of course) would lead to a hook-up with a job after graduation? If you know you are deserving of something put that into the atmosphere! Do not doubt that you are anything less than amazing! Accept that it will happen to you and take steps to making it happen!<br />
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3.) People will be who they are and you DO NOT have to like them either (and it's perfectly okay to tell them).<br />
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There's always a problem associated with not liking someone. Like, "Ooo, you must be jealous *pops tongue*" Nah, none of that. You are just a very poisonous individual and because you're miserable, you try to inflict your pain on others, and as someone you tried that with, I don't like you. Never have and never will. Over the past few months, I've recognized that I am a lot more aggressive in my dealings with people than I was in high school. Maybe it's just me growing into my womanliness, I don't know...but I love this newly developed "wildfire." At times, I find myself extremely frustrated with other women because they have not tapped into their "aggression" for lack of better word. On numerous occasions I have told someone an issue I have had with them via text or something of the like and asked them to come see me or call me. Now, every time they see me they avoid me or act funny *shrugs*. Like, I'm not going to yell at you or be rude, I'm going to gingerly tell you the reasons I don't like you with a soft voice and straight face and suggest that you work on them. Completely harmless and no disrespect is given from my end.<br />
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At some point, you've got to be tired of being the doormat or the girl who people feel they can get crazy with because you're passive aggressive. I know I did. You have to be confident enough to stand up for yourself and no longer allow disrespect to be thrown your way. Just snap really lady-like one good time and I guarantee you, you will feel like a new person.<br />
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4.) You don't need all of the answers, just the one to the question next, or better yet, in your face.<br />
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I think this pretty much speaks for itself. Take one day at a time. You cannot control what happens down the line because you are not there yet. All you can do is focus on the here and now and concentrate on those issues first. That speaks for relationships, career, anything...you are in the present, so cherish <i>that</i>.<br />
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As always, feel free to leave any comments, questions or suggestions and I'll be more than happy to address them! XOXOEmynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-32762329599670054512014-02-09T18:19:00.000-05:002014-02-09T18:49:13.390-05:00The Perfect Man List"I mean, there's not that many good men in the world, so when you get one, you shouldn't complain....don't matter if he ya type or not."<br />
Bullsh*t. There's no better way to put it. For years, women have been forced to feel as though our pickings are slim because good men are few and far between. That has to be the biggest lie I have ever heard...right next to Jesus had blue eyes and blonde hair. The truth is, there are good men EV-ER-Y-WHERE.<br />
Men have always had the right to pick and choose among us and kick us to the curb if so much as a mole was out of place, so why do we (especially as good and wholesome women) not have the right to do the same? All this sprouts from a bit of frustration I had earlier last week about men. Lately, the men who have been approaching me have been either extremely "sexually suspicious" or just interested in sex, I'm 100% sure he doesn't even know my last name. I mean, I could tell the "suspicious" one was a good guy, but just not good for me. (YES ladies there is a such thing as a good guy being bad for you.) I'd definitely feel like a dominatrix in that situation. He'd probably let me ride his back to class while he was on all fours.*laughs* First and foremost, he was not my type my any means. He was short and really stubby. The first thing he asked was if I was Greek and the conversation went down hill from there. His approach was all wrong. He was so soft and kept telling me things about myself that I already knew. I know I'm attractive, I know I'm a "rarity", I know my head is on straight. I was not impressed by him and his aura did not make the situation better. I could've laughed out loud when he told me he was almost 30. Not to rag on the dude, I just want you to understand where my frustration was stemming from. As far as the latest one who's only interested in my waist down.....*sigh*. He's such an irritating little fraction of a fellow. Both times he's called me, it's been after my 11 o' clock cut off time. Both times the conversation has started and ended with things he "wanted to do." *rolls eyes* I'm pretty sure I've heard it all, that stuff does not excite me and I was hoping by my dry "oh" responses that he would catch the hint. Oh yeah, did I mention he's almost 30 too? Stuff like that only sounds semi exciting from............never mind. I digress *laughs*. Anyway, I decided to call my mom and tell her about my frustration. Among other things she told me that settling is stupid and it'll have me in a relationship somewhere wishing I was single again. She told me that she understands that I want a relationship and the companionship that comes with it, but sacrificing my expectations and wants should not be a part of obtaining someone as a "potential." Let that simmer......<br />
She told me that I should sit down and make a list of all the things that my perfect man embodies, physically, spiritually and mentally. (Side note: Don't EVER allow someone to tell you that physical attraction is not important. It's not everything but it is a big part of your overall attraction to someone.) She said that on her list were things like "chocolate", "gentle giant," and "no history of mental issues," and y'all have to know that I hollered at the last one. She said that there were some things that were "negotiables" or things she could go without and "non-negotiables" or things that were absolutely necessary for her to seriously think about being committed to the other party. As I listened to her, I was like "wow" that is basically like a vision board, and guess what? The man she has now is so good to her AND he's a giant. I approve of him because he makes my mother happy and I don't think I've ever seen her with the type of joy that she has now with any other man. Not to throw shade or talk bad about anyone, he just brings out a different part of her that I have never seen.<br />
So, I took her advice and started a "Perfect Man List" and yes, there's a such thing as someone being perfect for you, let no one tell you different. Below are a few of the non-negotiables:<br />
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<ul>
<li>ability to make me smile</li>
<li>ambitious</li>
<li>believes in the power of prayer</li>
<li>beautiful (in terms of who he is)</li>
<li>charming</li>
<li>honest</li>
<li>hardworking</li>
<li>considerate</li>
<li>good hugger</li>
<li>passionate about everything he does</li>
<li>spiritual (NOT religious)</li>
<li>6'2" to 6'4" (nothing more nothing less)</li>
</ul>
Now, my negotiables:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>full beard (not necessary, but he MUST be willing to grow it out for me)</li>
<li>no kids</li>
<li>able to cook</li>
</ul>
My original list is extremely long, I just wanted to give you an idea of what it can look like and encourage you to do the same. You can even put it on your vision board/wall if you have one, as it basically is a vision list. The only thing is, you have to stick to it and be brave enough to keep it moving if a man does not match up with the qualities you've outlined for yourself. Even though he may not show up next week, month or even year, he'll come if you keep reminding yourself of how wonderful he is by looking at your list. Give it a try and leave a few attributes of your perfect man below! I'd love to read them!XOXOEmynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-27384912401631998682014-01-26T13:56:00.003-05:002014-01-26T13:56:44.384-05:00Johnny Appleseed Now, if the story serves me correctly, Johnny Appleseed was a man who planted many seeds during his travels, but never really got the opportunity to enjoy the fruits. I know, you probably read that line thinking, "what in the world?" but hold on...I have a point AND some advice that stemmed from simply living. <br />
A few weeks ago, I called my sister down and out about some things and she told me some valuable stuff. Even though I wasn't really looking for a piece of advice (I only wanted someone to listen), she got me thinking. What she told me was, "You are not always meant to sit under the shade of the trees you plant." At first, I was like, "huh?" but then it clicked for me. <span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">A
lot of times the man who did a complete 360 for us from the time we met him, is
not meant to stay with us for a lifetime. There may be some broken woman in the
world who really needs what you instilled in him way more than you do. We were
meant to constantly reach higher levels of love and understanding, so how can
you do that when you’re only getting back what <i>you </i>put into him and nothing more? Do you get what I’m saying? I’m
not talking about reciprocity, that’s something totally different. Let me put
it this way, if you teach someone who knows nothing about math “2+2” (which is
the only thing you know too), they can’t teach you anything but “2+2.” You’re
not learning anything except for what you already know. He may need to break
from you and go teach someone else “2+2.” Occasionally, you may luck up and
find someone who takes “2+2” and turns it into “3+1”, “4+0” and “</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">√</span><span style="line-height: 115%;">16”.
Those are the people you need to keep around for a lifetime because they rarely come around. That doesn't just apply to guys (or girls), it applies to friends as well--that leads me to another point: If you surround yourself with people who only do the learning and never the enlightening, then I suggest you do some introspection and adjust your personal circle. Always teaching and never being refilled is exhausting and gets you nothing in life, except for a circle of needy people who always need you to solve their problems. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> With that being said, I'll leave you with this: it's okay to move on. In some cases, it's best the possible thing you can do for your physical and spiritual being. You don't have to always gain the fruits of your labor, because a lot of times, the fruit won't benefit us all that much anyway.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> As always, if you have any comments, questions, or concerns leave them below and I will be more than happy to address them! XOXO</span></span>Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-70868358371582903022013-10-05T20:27:00.005-04:002013-10-07T23:44:00.069-04:00I'll Wait.....Some MoreFirst off, let me apologize. I often forget I have readers and neglect to write when I know I should be. With that being said, let me catch you all up on the things that have been going on in my life and offer the wisdom and lessons learned that I always do.<br />
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The last time you all heard about my personal life, I had been dumped by a guy who I just knew I was going to spend my life, or at least, several years with. Even though I was hurting, I used the time between the breakup and the day I moved back on campus to do some introspection and get myself together for the next man that God decided He wanted to place in my life....and I was successful. I came to school at peace and was ready to conquer my junior year of college and live my life happily single while experiencing the love that only God could provide. My first night on campus, I was preparing to go to a party on campus with my sister to scope out all of the freshmen and understand their vibe. I'm in the mirror putting on my mascara when my phone rings, and guess who it is....the guy who several weeks earlier had kicked me to the curb. I contemplated answering the phone for a few seconds but I finally did, thinking that he was drunk or something. I answered the phone confused and he was just talking to me like everything was okay and finally, I brought up the ever burning issue of why in the world he was calling me. I don't quite remember what he said verbatim, but it was somewhere along the lines of "I was just thinking about you". He said some other things about his knowledge of him f**king up and I could only agree. I told him that I would've respected him a lot more if he told me that he wanted to end what we had instead of saying that he "needed a break from us", knowing good and well he had no initial intentions of ever coming back to me. He said he understood and the conversation kept moving, and the conversation ended with, "Well, I'm about to go into this party...as always it's good talking to you. Good night." After we hung up, I couldn't help but tell my sister about the conversation, even though she could hardly hear me over the DJs horrible line-up. She simply brushed it off, as she doesn't like him....never has and never will. </div>
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The next day, I got another call from him and it surprised me, as I simply thought he was calling to check to see if I was still alive the night before. We talked for HOURS like old times and immediately those feelings from before were kicked back up a little. I realized that I missed his country grammar, his soft voice and the way he makes me laugh, but I decided to ignore it because I knew we were simply catching up as friends. </div>
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After a while, I realized that he wanted to be more than friends again so let myself fall for him once again. My suspicions of his feelings were met when he went through this app where anonymous people can ask you questions and told me that he liked me but he didn't know if I wanted to try again. I responded with "you never know if you don't ask". At this point, I didn't know who this was, but if they were serious, they'd keep asking questions. He then said that I didn't know who it was and I told him that I didn't and to tell me. He then said "oh well." I then knew who it was because only he says that to me. I responded with telling him that I don't play the guessing game anyway and that he could've called or sent me a text message like an adult but....oh well. He then said "true". There is no other man on this planet who responds to me in conversation with true but him so I told him that I knew exactly who it was and my guess was correct. It still took an entire weekend to get out of him whether or not he was serious but he was and we began trying to patch things up in late September. We would talk about the future and all of that good stuff and tell each other everything because we were more than potential spouses, we were best friends. </div>
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Now to the part where I get dumped........again lol smh. The other night we were on the phone and he says "what's up" to me and I'm like "huh?" He says, "have you ever been texting someone and then say what you were texting?" I say, "No, because I don't text people when I'm on the phone with you" and that was the end of that conversation. He then says in a joking manner, "I'm only talking to you, but that's what everybody says." I respond, "Well, when I say that, I'm telling the truth." I was thinking to myself that he should know this by now. He said, "Well, I text other people but I already told you that." Immediately my heart drops and I tell him that I'm going to sleep. I don't hear anything over the phone so I'm saying "Hello?" repeatedly and then the phone disconnects. He texts me "<i>Lol wow</i>" and I text back "<i>What? You hung up on me</i>" and he responds with "<i>No</i>" so I immediately call him back. He said, "You said you were going to sleep?" and I told him I was and he says "oh well." I asked him what he said that for and he said nothing and told me that he was going to sleep too. We said our good nights and I text him that my feelings were just hurt and he asked why I felt that way and asked if I really did hang up. I told him that it was because I forget sometimes that he's not mine and that like I said before I didn't hang up on him. He responds with "<i>Iight</i>" and I asked him what that means and he said "<i>nothing goodnight</i>". Immediately I'm confused at why he's upset because clearly I'm the one who should feel played. I don't hear from him the next morning which was unusual because we usually talk things through the next day. I take it upon myself to to text him and he is extremely curt with me. I told him that clearly he wasn't feeling me that day and good luck on his paper, which I was helping him on the night before. He says "<i>ok thanks</i>". I don't hear from him that entire night in to the next morning. Again, I text him saying that I'm not sure where his head is at, but I miss hearing his voice and would like to talk to him soon. A few minutes later, he texts me saying that he doesn't want a relationship and he has a lot on his plate and he doesn't want me to think that he's playing me and he has to ease up because he doesn't want me in my feelings. Naturally, I'm confused because a day or two previous to that, he was talking about him wanting a relationship with me and actually taking the steps to achieve that. I told him that I was afraid he was going to leave me hanging again, but you live and learn and as always I want nothing but happiness for him. He responds with "<i>wow ok</i>." In my mind, I'm wondering why he's wow-ing because he's the one who kicked me to the curb (once again) via text. I guess he got his feelings hurt because he twisted up my words all types of ways, saying that I never intended on him being my last and how he was simply a lesson. *insert straight face* People......I never said any of this! That was basically the end of that conversation. Keep in mind, that this conversation was all during my field experience in a high school classroom. My eyes got a little wet, but I played it off by yawning, I couldn't go down like that.....I'm a straight G. As soon as I got back to my room, I popped open a big can of select beverage and cried to Ali (thank God she was in my room printing off an application). I told her that it wasn't fair to be simply an option to someone who I had made my only choice and how I was completely done with men and how I didn't want to be bothered by any of them, I even went so far as to telling her to delete his number out of my phone and un-friending him on Facebook lol. I was in the midst of deleting this guy out of my life forever!(in the midst of my fiery temper tantrum he sent me a text saying that he believes that God has someone special for me.) I got into the bed and went to sleep after I posted a few comical tweets and one that outlined the difficulty of being a naturally loving, caring and emotionally open person. I layed in my bed and just cried, cried, cried like a big baby because I was just so sick of everything. I asked myself over and over again why I allowed myself to be just a great woman to men who didn't even have the common courtesy to pick the phone up and kick me to the curb. I asked God why in the world he made me with such a huge heart and then allowed me to attract these...guys. I told him that I was sick of these dudes that feel like they can simply walk in and out of my life and sick of going through the same thing but with a different face. I was outright pitiful, but in the middle of my "pitifulness", I told God that I would wait for whoever He has for me, because this getting my feelings hurt business, was NOT for your girl. </div>
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He called later that night because he had an issue with something I said on Twitter, we argued a little bit more and we haven't spoken since....</div>
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So here's where the wisdom and advice part comes in.....</div>
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Patience is key! What I have to tell myself is that even though I haven't been in a serious relationship or even been on my first date, that those things WILL COME! I am only twenty years old and while I am focused on being sought out by the man who God placed on this earth especially for me, I should enjoy the time I have as a single young woman and use it to grow even more. While it is easy for me to say that I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life, I know that's not true. God put me (and YOU) on this earth to be a force and the reason why a man wakes up every morning and decides to make good choices. Do you understand that one day, a man will walk up to you already set in his mind that you are going to be his wife? Do you realize that you will be the reason why a man decides to grow and become better with each day? Do you realize that there is a man somewhere in this world who would (without a second thought) give his life for you, just as God's only Son? Let that simmer for a bit......</div>
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Don't get discouraged by these "knuckleheads who are fake a**holes most of the time and don't even know if they're on the DL or not" as my dad would say. Be encouraged because you have always been on this earth for a man to love and cherish whole-heartedly and NOT only when he feels. Even though you may not come across him in the next month, or even year your patience and "struggles" in love will be rewarded and you'll wonder how in the world you lucked up with a man so beautiful.</div>
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As always, feel free to leave comments, questions and suggestions below! I always respond!XOXO</div>
Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-65340382668973263512013-08-27T01:04:00.001-04:002013-08-27T01:04:55.036-04:00C.Metro....Bruh<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbD1z0seasU8BOEA7uBcsFnDu2YQhAAcdqDsyb4N89KAZ8s3ok61ibw87IHrjZELz53R4JyL3jfGmYWqusiEQXRPPyl1aI20BCe8YfmnhfCaZsbak1nqQM6Pz1LtC3xsvQ_BNb_6YpGtc/s1600/BSnoS7_CIAEScR8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbD1z0seasU8BOEA7uBcsFnDu2YQhAAcdqDsyb4N89KAZ8s3ok61ibw87IHrjZELz53R4JyL3jfGmYWqusiEQXRPPyl1aI20BCe8YfmnhfCaZsbak1nqQM6Pz1LtC3xsvQ_BNb_6YpGtc/s400/BSnoS7_CIAEScR8.jpg" width="298" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyone who knows me understands that I respect those who are
out here using their talents to make it in life, so when I saw this guy by the
name of C. Metro constantly promoting himself via Twitter, I couldn't help but
pay attention. He was different from the
other self-promoting rappers who would pop up in your DMs with some generic
pre-written BS saying “Thanks for the follow. Check out my new single “Booty
Meat and Cigarillos” on YouTube.” On top of that, he attended University of
South Carolina – Aiken, a university not too far from my own. So, when he shot me a direct message the
other day asking me to promote for him, I took it as an opportunity to not only
compliment his talent, but ask for an interview since I admired his drive and
ambition. He told me he would be down
for it ASAP and needless to say, I got super excited because I KNEW for a FACT
he was going somewhere, my “successful man senses” were tingling and I have NEVER been wrong *laughs*. As a
matter of fact, three days after our interview, he earned himself a record deal
with State House Records.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Since I am car-less and jobless, I figured the best way to go
about the interview was via Oovoo and after witnessing his easiness on the eyes, charm and humor, I
was beyond happy I was NOT to be in his presence. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The first question I asked him was what his real name was.
The future educator in me just refuses to call people by their nicknames,
shortened names, or in his case, stage name so I thought it only appropriate to
ask. He said, “Leo Jones” and I asked how to spell it since my name is
pronounced ‘Imani’ but spelled ‘Emynee.’ He laughed a little and told me that
he doesn't think that there’s any other way to spell it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I then asked where he was from, since I know a lot of
artists pull inspiration from where they originate. He said he was born in
Texas, but he has lived in Columbia, SC for the last 15 or 16 and I’m guessing
it would be safe to say that that is where the inspiration for his stage name
comes from. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I listened to his CD, Bars 2 (which I will put up the link
to at the bottom of the post) and was really impressed by it, I did not skip
one song and that is rare for me to do….especially when it comes to rap. I
found that the songs I enjoyed most were “Bed of Roses” and “Once Again” since
they had an R&B tip to them. When I told him this, he smiled a little bit
and told me that he likes R&B as well. He felt as though he was holding
back his lyrical ability though, so he decided to make that CD. On both of the
tracks, a singer by the name of Quez was featured, so naturally I asked how the
two met. He told me that he had known him since the time around his freshman
year of high school but he had passed away. I didn’t want to go into too much
detail because I know how I am when it comes to loved ones passing, so I moved
on to my next question. <o:p></o:p></div>
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With the whole uproar that surrounded Kendrick Lamar’s verse
in one of the songs he was featured in, I thought it would be interesting to
hear his thoughts on the state of the rap game today. Very honestly, the
self-proclaimed genius told me that he couldn’t speak on the game as a whole,
but locally (as in South Carolina) he said that the game is not where it needs
to be. He stated that he doesn’t like collaborating because rappers here do not
work hard and they do not take rapping seriously. I then asked him what separates him from
other artists. Since he clearly stated that he was a hard worker with his
previous question, I asked if it was his work ethic that separated him from the
rest. He said that he was his biggest critic. He said that he doesn’t like
sleeping because he feels as though he’ll be missing out on something. He told
me that he could have an 8AM class but stay up all night perfecting his craft.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I asked who influenced his style and he said that nobody
influenced his style. If he could compare himself to other rappers, it doesn’t
make him an artist. He moved on to telling me that he switches up his style a
lot and that he studies Biggie Smalls’s flow as well as Lil Wayne’s. I could
not help but smile since that mentality, the willingness to not only be a
student to your craft but go <i>further </i>and
become a trailblazer, is what makes the greats, greater. <o:p></o:p></div>
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After dealing with a technical difficulty that had me
running up and down the hallways for another computer (thanks for your patience
by the way), I continued the interview by asking what he felt was the highest
or most successful point in his career this far. He told me that this past
summer as a whole was the highest point. He said that he works by himself,
since he is worrisome about hiring help, but still managed to get shows
everywhere – in Georgia, Columbia, Charleston…basically all over South
Carolina. The second to last question I asked was who he would like to work
with in the future and right off the bat he said Kendrick Lamar, he also said
he would like to work with Future as well, stating “Everything he touches goes;
he just doesn’t rap, he’s smart with it.” He told me that he would never want
to work with anyone like 2Chainz because he raps dumb for someone who graduated
college with a 4.0 GPA.<o:p></o:p></div>
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To close the interview I asked him if he would like to give
any shout outs and they go as follows:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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The Dogg Pound in Greenwood, South Carolina – (“Ay, girl
what you know about the Dogg Pound??” <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">ß</span>
He told me to add this lol) He said that these men are like brothers to him and
keep him level headed.<o:p></o:p></div>
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His cousin Carlos Dubois who attends my university, Claflin
University<o:p></o:p></div>
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His cousin Marquis Jones, who is #27 on South Carolina State
University’s football team<o:p></o:p></div>
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Last but not least, his roommate Vincent at USCA<o:p></o:p></div>
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At the end of the interview he told me to tell y’all other
things about him. He said that he is not a dumb rapper. He is on the Dean’s
List and he also enjoys drinking beer. Clearly, he has a great sense of humor.
*laughs*<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anyway, C.Metro also has a mixtape coming out soon which
will probably drop within the next month, but to hold you over I suggest you
check out his CD Bars 2 via this link <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">à</span>
<a href="http://www.hotnewhiphop.com/c-metro-bars-2-mixtape.91151.html">http://www.hotnewhiphop.com/c-metro-bars-2-mixtape.91151.html</a>
<o:p></o:p></div>
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You can also follow him on twitter: @cmetrobruh</div>
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It was honestly such a great experience to interview this
talented young man and I look forward to what he has in store for us in days to
come!! XOXO<o:p></o:p></div>
Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-12648729112023260212013-08-15T18:49:00.000-04:002013-08-15T18:49:30.650-04:00What Would You March For? In the spirit of the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington, interns with the National Urban League (one of which happens to be my friend Tyler Breland) made a video asking a few questions about pressing issues which challenge the Black community to do a reality check. After watching this video, I urge you all to ask the same things. As an English education major who has a passion for equality, I would march for equal footing in the classroom, especially when it comes to our Black boys. I would march for teachers' rights to expand outside of preparation for testing and tailor their curriculum to meet the needs of their students. I would also march for an increase in programs that offer clearance of mind to youth who live in areas where contentment with being static is status quo.<br />
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Even though I won't be in attendance *sad face*, I do look forward to the stories that I'll hear from the friends who will be there.<br />
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Enjoy!<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="225" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/xdPr7ufJl18" width="400"></iframe>Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-9751948077816854392013-08-06T23:41:00.000-04:002013-08-06T23:49:08.644-04:00The "Rehearsal Chick"<span style="font-family: inherit;">I read: "Men have Rehearsal Chicks." </span><br />
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Naturally, I read on because I had never read anything like this before.</span><br />
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"They aren't side hoes, they aren't jump offs; these are girls they meet and treat like their real girlfriends but never give the title." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I could've stopped right there but I read on, mainly because we had consistently agreed that we were "friends", "working towards a relationship." </span><br />
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I then read: "This is practice for his potential soul mate. Their Main chicks won't be easy to f*ck so why put the focus on p*ssy." </span><br />
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At this moment, I'm dying a little inside. While it is true that I have never had sex with any of the men I had put in the running for contenders as my boyfriend, there was still intimate stuff shared that I had never shared with anyone, and in my mind that is equivalent to allowing someone to caress my soul....because trusting someone enough to invite them to the inner depths of me, was doing just that.</span><br />
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"Women can be used for more than just their vagina."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I said, "If she's talking about money, I ain't got none of that. I'm a 20 year old BROKE college student, so what in the world can I POSSIBLY be used for?" I then read on...</span><br />
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"Men can't come out and cry on each others shoulder's cause simp behavior is not accepted."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"So they move on to the next female they meet to get over the last."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"They rehearse with the new girl because honestly they aren't ready to give her the title of girlfriend."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Eventually that rehearsal chick will gain his trust and his heart will heal enough to be in a relationship again."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"But more times than not, it won't be with the girl that helped him get over his ex."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Men appreciate the nursing back to full strength but once those Danger Room exercises are complete, it's on to a main chick."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"You love him he's your boo aww how cute! Accept it, he chose another b*tch over you!"</span><br />
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At this point my bottom jaw has been on the ground for close to two or three minutes. I just go on ahead and grab that shoe because that sh*t fit perfectly! For close to a year, I had told myself that I was "The Trainer" because I would be so kind and gentle and patient with these broken men and then they move on, never asking if I would do them the honor of being their girlfriend or anything. In all of my 20 years, I have never even had the courtesy of being taken on a date even though I had put so much energy and effort into them. But this woman, Mimi Larrieux, had put a real title to what I was going through and even though it hurt my feelings, it was that OG wisdom that makes you wanna do better and be better because you are no longer blind to reality. </span><br />
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The thing I must focus on now is my change in action. How in the world am I going to make sure this never happens again? I know I am more than deserving to be someone's significant other and there are plenty of men who would be more than happy to place me on that pedestal with no qualms. It's just unfortunate that I have had run-ins with men who didn't believe that. Do I mask my beautiful spirit that seems to seep through my pores even when I put on my hardest grimace? Or do I just become like everyone else and develop trust issues and expect the nexts to use me as a Bob the Builder for the Soul just as the lasts? </span><br />
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I'm just kidding, I'm naturally loving and trusting so that would probably work for like two weeks *laughs*.</span><br />
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Gosh y'all...I don't know. </span><br />
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The beautiful thing about life though, is that it is continuously teaching us and granting us wisdom while we live it. I have learned from MY mistake, will continue to build myself back up and keep it moving the best I know how, because honestly, that's all I can do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As always feel free to leave any comments, suggestions and questions below or email me at emynee.garrett@gmail.com! I love interacting with my readers!XOXO</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And PLEASE go follow the woman who acted as life's teacher and is the inspiration behind this #BellePost @MIMI_LARRIEUX on Twitter!</span><br />
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Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-33019960162080348182013-07-20T23:20:00.000-04:002013-07-20T23:20:03.049-04:00Too Attached??"Rule #1: Don't get too attached."<br />
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That's the problem with this generation. We live in a world where things come easy, so there is no knowledge on or ability to fight when faced with losing the one you care for because you were careful not to get...."too attached." Like really, I need help with this. Why are you focused on the pain of losing that person so much that you allow yourself to keep your distance emotionally. How can you possibly call yourself loving someone and giving 1001% when you don't even trust yourself enough to invest in this person and place your pride to the side to give all you've got? That really makes me wonder if people even understand what receiving and giving real love feels like since they are afraid of getting "attached." There has to come a point in our lives where we rid ourselves of that ignorant mentality and stop being afraid and give that once in a lifetime person our everything...starting with our vulnerability.<br />
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Yes, we will get hurt but that comes with this crazy, crazy love game. The beautiful thing about that though is, it makes us stronger and feeds us the necessary wisdom to move forward in the search for our King or Queen.XOXOEmynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-3361813152627925392013-07-15T04:25:00.000-04:002013-07-15T04:25:25.062-04:00Words of WisdomAs I lied on my bed face down wallowing in sorrow over yet another one of life's mishaps my mother came into the room and said: "When you learn, teach and when you get, give." At first, I didn't want to hear it because the idea of simply being pitiful sounded so much better than trying to learn a lesson out of the current situation and formulating a way to teach it to future generations in some way, shape or form. After a few minutes, I sat up and said "D*mn, she's right" and decided that I would dedicate a week to gaining wisdom and learning lessons out of life's unfortunate events. In the spirit of "learning and teaching," I'll share what I've been presented with. It's also a mix of random thoughts, so just bear with me...<br />
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The first set of lessons comes for this book that I started then stopped because I couldn't handle it. It talked about love and relationship repeaters and if you've read any of my blog you understand that.........just no. I can dish out advice like a pro and have people wanting to marry each other, but when it comes down to me??? No. Being very passionate and impatient at the same time is not a very good mix but I am getting better so all hope is not lost.<br />
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1) Most of the time we see ourselves as helpless when it comes to our behavior. We can't see that we actively seek out the very things that are bad for us. Things don't simply happen to us...we <i>make</i> them happen.<br />
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2) If you consider yourself a great catch, you should EXPECT a world-class knockout to be interested in you--you shouldn't be surprised.<br />
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3) Since we attract what we put out, the people you choose to be in your life are your reflection. If you don't like what you see, I suggest you do some introspection and do something different.<br />
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The second lesson comes from the movie <i>The Secret </i>which<i> </i>my mother suggested I watch after a long conversation that ended with me not being able to fully answer "What does happy look like to you?"<br />
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1) The secret to success and getting all you ever wanted in life is the law of attraction. That is all you need to know, I promise y'all. Focus your energy on being positive and calling out into the universe "I can, I will, I shall, I want" instead of "I can't, I'll never, b*tchin and moanin blah blah blah" and watch what the universe brings back to you. Every morning put positive energy into the atmosphere and watch how well your day goes. If you want that "A" put it out into the universe and gradually you'll be put in place to get that grade. If you're finally ready for your soul mate and want him or her in your life, put it into the universe and watch you all strike up the most random conversation about monkeys or something.<br />
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After a little bout on a social networking site, I had to come to terms with things I had to come to terms with those lessons I had learned but chosen to compromise<br />
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1) People will treat you how you allow them to.<br />
2) It is your life, so you don't have to explain a thing to anybody.<br />
3) Only you choose the quality of life that you live. You can't blame a thing on anyone else.<br />
4) Men are hunters by nature, so if he decides to come back around a second time, (which they ALWAYS do IF you are unique) make him earn that spot again (if you still want him). "Prey" doesn't simply hop into a net. Queens can't just be going around, making their love easy to get and if he's a King he'll work happily for you because he understands that you are worth it and so much more.<br />
5) He is not him so you can't make him responsible for the mistakes of your "hes." You have to forgive and understand that trust issues can really mess up a good thing.<br />
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Hopefully, this helped someone...but as always if you have any questions or comments feel free to do so below.XOXOEmynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-4354321056146468222013-06-11T03:21:00.004-04:002013-06-11T03:21:51.275-04:00Late Night Thoughts I know it's entirely too late to be up but I couldn't sleep because I have way too much weighing on my brain. So, I guess I'll write until what's left of my battery wears off.<br />
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As I sit here in the dark, I'm thinking about my roommate and how loud this d*mn television is, and wondering why it's on Disney Channel. I'm thinking about whether or not I'll wake up in the morning with a backache from this unfortunate excuse for a mattress. I'm also thinking about how I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I decided to hand Sunshine my heart after convincing myself that I had his. Sometimes, I wonder to myself who in the world hurt this man and caused him to be, at times, distrusting and unsure of my feelings for him. Forever wondering if he's the only one and conjuring up these ideas that I have these "boos" lined up at my feet. *laughs to self* Shoot, whoever he's talking about needs to introduce themselves because a sistahs pockets be strugglin! But for real, I feel like that in part is why I cannot love him beyond that "I have feelings for you" level. I can't stand the thought of loving someone, with the depth that I love, and continuously be questioned. He's such a beautiful person and I would NEVER do anything to hurt him because I know how it feels. It has to be the worst feeling in the world. I remember the first time I got my heart broken I would come back to my room everyday after class for two weeks and just cry, wondering why I wasn't good enough and why he couldn't care for me the same way I cared for him. After about a month (or two lol) I looked myself in the mirror and told myself that any man would be beyond blessed to have me. I knew better than to be crying over some anti-social self-proclaimed a**hole who was probably cooped up in his room playing video games all day and not thinking about me at all. I then did my Beyonce shrug, flipped my bang (since I have short hair) and said, "Oh well, his loss." Soon after, Sunshine came along and made me so happy. You could even see it in my face.<br />
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Maybe we're just at a rough patch though and just need some elbow grease and communication to get through. I'm still learning what genuineness and persistence look and feel like since I haven't had the best examples in my life. I'm a born fighter and don't want to give up, even though I feel like throwing in the towel is sometimes the only thing that you can really do. I don't know....but we'll see soon enough. Wish me the best...XOXOEmynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-76083847116883144702013-05-11T23:17:00.000-04:002013-05-11T23:24:03.070-04:00Scared of GenuineY'all.......I am so scared and I have no clue what to do. It's like I have the choice whether to move forward or move backwards but I choose to stay in this same spot because it is comfortable. It is familiar. It won't leave me hurt and saying "f*ck dese n*ggas!" It is where I placed myself after I learned that loving too hard was a flaw that no matter how much it is bleached, dyed, Ajax-ed and Oxy Clean-ed, is going to uncomfortably remain there. Let me explain:<br />
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In February I ran across this guy on Facebook, well, actually he ran across me. We messaged each other back and forth a couple of times, and he gave me his number telling me that I could hit him up if I wanted to. Usually, I don't do that type of stuff but y'all have to understand how this man looks! He has to be the image of God himself, but I would never tell him that. I could admire his face all day, memorizing every detail until I've mastered it and start all over again. It's serious. Anyway, I decided to text him that night and told him that he should put my number to good use. He said "h*ll yeah" and the rest is history. The next day, we spent 8 hours on the phone laughing, talking about life and a series of other things. I was absolutely sold because he reminded me of all the best parts of my dad and as women, that is our Kryptonite. From that point, we spoke everyday from sun up to sundown, never allowing a bland moment. Personally, his attention made me a little bit uncomfortable because I was so used to lacking communication in every situation I had ever been in--almost to the point I would get slightly irritated because he was on a mission to get to know who I actually was. Crazy, right? But when you're accustomed to a specific type of treatment, anything outside of that box either brings a positive or negative reaction. Fortunately, I got used to his showers of attention and realized that that's what you do when you call yourself genuinely interested in someone. Before I knew it, three months had passed and here we are. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, times where we've wanted to catch up the other by the neck or call it quits but we stuck it out. He shows me what it feels like to have the care you give reciprocated and I needed that. Shoot, I think he may have the privilege of being called my boyfriend one day. A title that no one has had the honor of earning for over a year now.<br />
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So, today we were talking on the phone as usual (about butts) and under his breath he said "I love you." Being the awkward person that I am I said "Huh? Whatchu say?" to come up with some time to gather my thoughts and/or something really witty to say, but I could come up with absolutely nothing. He then said, "I like you." I could vibe with that so I said it back because I really do. He then repeated the first phrase again and I hit him with the "Huh? Whatchu say?" once again because I wasn't sure what else to say. He then said, "You heard what I said" and I quickly changed the subject. I was so scared y'all because that was the first time anyone had ever said anything like that to me. I know I am more than deserving of being loved by a man who says and shows that he doesn't want to lose me but I am so scared of being hurt and being driven to the point where I completely give up on men. The truth is, I love him too...but more like a really really good friend. I would do almost anything for him and he knows that, but because I have not had the pleasure of taking in his manly essence wholly and completely I cannot love him the way I would like to love him. Even further than that, I have trust issues. Not to the point where I would go through his phone or anything like that but enough to the point where I think he's gonna turn around and completely stop talking to me because he needs to "find himself" or because "I am too good for him and I need to go out and get a man who deserves what I have to offer." You know, drop one of those "it's not you, it's me" lines that seem to be the thing to say when they are constantly running around in their brains trying to figure out an excuse for their irrational behavior.<br />
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This man, has taken possession of my mind and that puts me in a dangerous spot because once a man has your mind, everything slowly but surely follows. He has a lot of my heart too, much more than I wish to disclose upon. I think maybe I'll stop being a little punk and go ahead and give him the rest because I think he deserves it. Who knows, I could really be missing out on something by letting my past experiences mess up what could be my future.Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-62098262441612397242013-01-23T18:20:00.002-05:002013-01-23T18:20:09.593-05:00Personal Hygiene So, instead of doing the usual post, I decided to record a video mainly because it's an extensive topic <i>and </i>because I want to add a bit of variety to my blog. It is mandatory that as ladies we keep ourselves up. If <i>we</i> don't care for ourselves, nobody else will! Enjoy! (Note: I misspelled hygiene...but you know what I mean...)<br />
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<br />Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-83011824001770867262013-01-05T17:24:00.001-05:002013-01-05T17:39:24.620-05:00Know Your Worth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I have a tendency to address the ladies whenever I publish a post, but unfortunately (but oh so fortunately) I am a female who goes through female things, so I can't help but to write things that are on the feminine tip. I think this post will be a bit a different though, since it is something that everyone has been through at one point or another in their lives. Whether it be in friendships, intimate relationships or even relationships with parents all of us have had challenges with realizing our worth.<br />
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I can't describe how important it is to know your worth! Knowing your worth prevents you from taking a lot of BS that someone who sees themselves as average would take. Unfortunately, sometimes in love we overlook our own happiness to deal with treatment that we know we are not worthy of. We remove our crowns in order to deal with a peasant who we just know with every fiber of our being, will be good enough to wholly and completely call themselves ours one day. As bad as it sounds, you have to give up on folks sometimes, simply because they will never know your worth. They will never give you what you want. In some cases, they do know your worth, they just refuse to show you your worth because you've dealt with their stomach wrenching behavior for so long. They just figure that you're not going anywhere no matter how bad you treat them. Sometimes, we want to to be wanted so bad that we lower our standards just so that we can be okay. In reality, all we are doing in hurting ourselves and in a way deceiving them by pretending to be okay with what they are handing us, when we're really not. The crazy thing is, once we finally decide to outline our expectations, we are all of a sudden "trippin" and they take it upon themselves to drop us. When you get done moaning, and groaning and declaring that the world must be coming to an end, step back and evaluate the situation. What did you really lose? "Side chick" or "second hand" treatment? Confusion? Feelings of never being good enough? Oh. Okay. I thought so. They did you a favor, trust me on this, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll come to terms with the fact that they were just a disgusting clog that was standing in the way of someone who actually is above and beyond your expectations.<br />
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What everyone needs to learn how to do and something that I am slowly but surely working on, is learning how to express needs and wants initially. Going about relationships (and life in general) in that manner will leave very little room for mess ups. It will allow you to cut people off with the knowledge that they did not live up to what you laid out in from of them in the first place. Yes, it's a bit cut throat but it is such a liberating feeling to know that you knew your worth and refused to take the scraps they were offering.<br />
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As always, if you have any additional comments or questions or if you don't agree with what I have written feel free to let me know. Enlightenment is always welcome...XOXOEmynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-82711395770925233342012-12-15T01:29:00.000-05:002012-12-15T01:29:20.431-05:00Friends With My Ex??<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So, I know there are a lot of people out there who argue that you should never talk to your ex after you have agreed to go you all's separate ways, whether that agreement be consensual...or not so consensual. Personally, I believe that if you all were <i>true</i> friends then it's perfectly okay to talk to each other after you all are no longer in a relationship just as long as you both know your boundaries and of course the other person wants to remain friends as well. In order to explain the process, I'll outline some guidelines about what you can and cannot do.<br />
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<li><b><u>Give each other SPACE!</u> </b>If you have ever been in a relationship that ended you understand how much of an emotional toll it can take on you. For females, I know it feels like the whole world is coming to an end and nothing in the world can make us feel better, especially if we REALLY cared for this individual. Please give each other time and space to figure the world out. If that person still wants to remain friends, they'll come around......believe me. Do not press the issue or they may never come around.</li>
<li><u style="font-weight: bold;">Don't get it TWISTED!</u> It's important that you remember that you all broke up for one purpose or another. Your ex is your ex for a reason. Just because they come back around doesn't mean that they want a relationship with you again, it probably just means that they still want you in their life for one reason or another. Find that reason out and conduct yourself accordingly.</li>
<li><b style="text-decoration: underline;">Know your boundaries!</b> As difficult as it may be (especially if they are one of the sexiest things on Earth) don't cross certain lines, especially if you're the one who did the "breaking up." You may confuse the other person emotionally and that is an issue no one wants to deal with. If you are no longer in a relationship with that person, you don't need to be kissing them, touching them intimately, having "alone time" or saying things that you said when you were in a relationship. You lost that dynamic of the relationship once you all decided to no longer be together. If you notice your ex is trying to "get over" on you, quietly remind him or her that they lost that privilege.....it works every time If they don't get it, I suggest you remove yourself from the situation and tell that person that you all are simply friends and they need to remember that.</li>
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Now, I don't claim to know it all, but these are some of the things that I have learned while keeping a strong and meaningful friendship with my ex-boyfriend. While it did take a month or two for us to start talking again, once we did it was smooth sailing. It was almost like we never lost a beat. He knows his place and I know mine. While he occasionally does step out of line, I correct him, but in a male's mind if you are giving him any type of time he believes he has a chance of getting the good stuff (NOPE!!!) He didn't get it in the relationship and I hope he knows that he's <i>definitely</i> not getting anything outside of the relationship.<br />
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Anyway, these are just a few guidelines. If you have any others or you don't agree with what I said, feel free to comment below...your point of view is always welcome! XOXOEmynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-23198282344044104662012-12-12T23:57:00.000-05:002012-12-12T23:58:23.422-05:00Post of the Decade!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK7zWx1M-d_QCHaICui_EHMkfd5W8no58dwGQLRVrOVEYV6YyRwgxI8o8hxLkFIaU61pRjgtQdjp_Wbp64Bpqyz19ay6anz0k-6Q6ehn8WMocpwaw23eoLDw_1iFOgTI6XlmdUbAvKq88/s1600/72372_10100321119216524_1856026146_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK7zWx1M-d_QCHaICui_EHMkfd5W8no58dwGQLRVrOVEYV6YyRwgxI8o8hxLkFIaU61pRjgtQdjp_Wbp64Bpqyz19ay6anz0k-6Q6ehn8WMocpwaw23eoLDw_1iFOgTI6XlmdUbAvKq88/s320/72372_10100321119216524_1856026146_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Out of boredom, I decided to log on to Facebook. As I was perusing through the usual "he said-she said" drama, wanna-be-a-thug-niggas posting Biggie lyrics and twelve year old children talking about the little life they have lived, I came across this picture. Honestly, it took me by surprise--not because I haven't known this, but because somebody else <i>besides</i> me knows this!<br />
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So many times I've heard females complain about men not being chivalrous towards them. While I listen to her bitch and moan about how this male doesn't open doors for her, watch his profanity in her presence and blah blah blee blah, I am forced to bite my tongue. I would tell her that if she put her titties and butt away every once in a while maybe she'd attract a man who actually treated her like more than a basic hoe. I would tell her that if she showed that she loved herself and displayed characteristics that weren't of a woman who constantly thirsts for the drink that only males can offer, maybe a male would recognize that she's more than a walking collection of moist holes. But unfortunately, since she doesn't carry herself like a lady, men don't feel the need to put on like gentlemen.<br />
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Ladies, maybe some of your mothers did not have this conversation with you, but men will only treat you how you allow them to treat you! (PLEASE take a moment and soak that in) Don't get me wrong, there are some men who know that you're a lady but just don't have that sort of training that we see as "gentlemen-like" and that's where you have to teach him. I mean, any man really doesn't know right off the bat how to treat you and even if you aren't verbally telling him the dos and don'ts of how to handle you, your carriage will teach him. For instance, if you always get the door yourself, he'll just figure he never has to get the door. Fortunately, I've never had to open any door for myself when I was with a male and if I was with a male who thought I was going to get the door, I would stand there until he got the message! I know some of you may be asking yourselves whether or not I looked stupid and the answer is no. It usually didn't take more than two or three seconds for the message to get through to him because fortunately, I've been blessed to only have been approached by intelligent men. Now, if everything doesn't quite "click" in <i>your </i>man's head, maybe you should nudge him along with a "aren't you gonna get that." If he still doesn't get it, make sure you lose his number and run away as fast as you possibly can because he is probably an escapee from the mental asylum, I'm just saying. How he treats you is not only in chivalry. For instance, let's say you're a pretty passive person. Your man just does ridiculous things and you never address the issue because, well.....you're passive. He knows that you won't say anything because you never have and most likely never will. Then, if you finally decide to address the issue, he'll probably look at you half crazy and say "you trippin" because you've never said anything before. The same goes for the ladies that break-up with their men and take him back. He'll keep doing whatever the hell he wants, because he knows no matter how bad he messes up, you'll always take him back. The point is to establish your expectations at the beginning of your relationship, that way, there is no room for confusion. When you lay out your expectations, he will be forced to meet them if he really likes you and if he refuses to try to reach them, then maybe you need to let him go.<br />
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Now, like I said before, if you're expecting all of these things, (the chivalry stuff at least) you have to carry yourself like a lady. A lot of times, a man won't be chivalrous towards a female he considers a block head. Don't just expect a nigga to open a door, though, and have an air of...what is it? ENTITLEMENT. A guy does not HAVE to open a door for you, but when he does say "thank you." Act like a lady by being appreciative and I promise you, he'll feel more led to do more gentlemen like things for you.<br />
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I think I've said maybe all that I can say relating to this subject. I'll only ramble on and on about various things that won't even relate, so I'll just call it quits. But, what I will say is, I only share what I have learned in my short 19 years and am still learning, so if you don't agree with something I said or you feel like there's more to it, comment below. I'm more than open...XOXOEmynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0South Carolina, USA33.836081 -81.163724532.148114 -83.69058 35.524048 -78.636869tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-10559340367865682222012-11-24T02:04:00.000-05:002012-12-03T22:29:32.272-05:00The Unedited Free Flow<br />
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It’s important that you understand that this is simply a
flow of thoughts. No specific rhythm or making of sense intended…<o:p></o:p></div>
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As I sit here rubbing my eyelashes that still bear the
mascara of yesterday, I am deliberating on what I want to write about, so in
the midst of my indecisiveness, I have decided to write about how intoxication
makes girls scream and my increased annoyance of the word “relationship.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Growing up, I was taught that I was supposed to stay a
virgin with such urgency, that to stray away from that would only lead me to
death and then Hell. As a matter of fact, losing my virginity to someone other
than my husband would lead me to somewhere below Hell, because it was something
even Satan himself would find vile. As a result, me, my virginity and its
container Fancy Nancy (I’m still working on a name for her) have created a
special bond. I’m convinced that if I lose my virginity that I will have
nothing left in this world. It’s like, when I have no one else, she’s
there…she’s my pride and joy and any woman over the age of 18 who has yet to
experience any type of sexual act should understand exactly what I mean. I
remember when I was ashamed of being a virgin because it was the cool thing to
go out and hump any and every thing that crossed your path, even if that meant
claiming bisexuality or homosexuality because specific sexual desires weren’t
being satiated by people of the opposite sex or other inanimate objects. It
took several friends who lost their virginity at a young age, to convince me that still having mine was something to be proud of, and if they could do it over,
they would still have theirs. Somewhere between the spring semester of my
senior year in high school and the beginning of my freshman year of college, I
found peace with the idea of me never having a sexual encounter- not even so
much as a kiss. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Lately though, (especially when I’m intoxicated) my girl
Fancy Nancy has been singing sonatas of being rejected and lonely and how she
needs attention from some husky Southern gentleman who knows when not to be so
gentle lol. It’s horrible y’all. I may be walking across campus and then she
starts a screaming and singing the blues and I have to stop for a few seconds
to get my life together before continuing my voyage from wherever to wherever.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I want to have sex because I know I’m one of
those females who will be on that BS every time. Even though I've never had the
“privilege” of being caught in one of those situations where I've had to pull
the “I’m not that type of girl” or “I don’t love you, so I can’t” I know that I
would…every single time. *makes forever alone face* Most times I just want to
be held and told how wonderful I am. No
kissing, rubbing, none of that…it’s not even necessary. When I smile, Fancy
Nancy is satisfied and the world is at peace until she finds it imperative to
make herself known again. That leads me to my second topic, which is totally
unrelated but been on my mind lately: relationships.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This word, relationships sounded so sweet to me a year and
some months ago when I was entering the pearly gates of college life. I was
floating on clouds with the conviction that I was going to meet a wonderful guy
who was going to be my boyfriend all four years of college and we were going to
be a wonderful couple and then graduate and get wonderfully married, just like
my mother and father…WRONG!! I wasn't even talking to anyone until January and
we rushed things and our relationship was done by the end of March. Now that I
think about it, it wasn't even much of a relationship because I never kissed
him or gave him so much as a hug lol. I guess I wanted a boyfriend so bad that
I gave myself permission to settle for something that I knew wouldn't be good
for me in the long run. There are some behaviors that were displayed in that
situation that cause me to step completely to the left of life if a guy I am
talking to displays even a hint of the same conduct. I try not to make this guy
pay for what the last guy did, but it’s easier said than done. <o:p></o:p></div>
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After dealing with the second situation, which is slowly but
surely getting back to its friendship aspect, I told myself that I am just not
a relationship person. I've been telling myself that the whole idea of someday
wanting a family is no longer a <i>part</i>
of life, but simply an <i>option</i>. I
think I finally convinced myself that I want to do so much with my life that a
husband and kids is almost out of the question. I wouldn't dare tell my mother
and grandmother that, I think they’d have a fit, mostly because it’s my
“destined” responsibility to stop the cycle of broken and short-lived
relationships that have plagued my family’s women from generation to
generation. I’m nineteen though, and thinking about “forever” with anyone would
be almost everything except logical and mature thinking, especially since I
have life plans that have no loose seams that could possibly wiggle free enough
to fit anyone else. Maybe I’ll meet a nice young man who will change the way I
feel about relationships. Who knows? I could’ve already met him, but he’s just
grooming himself into the man that he feels I deserve.<o:p></o:p></div>
Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-4758138283839842812012-10-02T21:37:00.001-04:002012-10-02T21:37:39.355-04:00The Journey I'm on a journey. I have packed my bags and placed them on my back, now I am in search of a place to put them down. I'm on a journey to that place called self-love and appreciation which sits right outside of self-respect and that little utopia where standards are set.<br />
Saturday night, I was telling one of my male friends about my life and how there have been some things that have occurred here recently that have made me question my worth as both a woman and a human in general. In the midst of that conversation, he told me three things that I had to simmer on and apply to my life:<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Get to total self-love</li>
<li>Tell God everything</li>
<li>Put forgiveness at the front of everything you do</li>
</ul>
As we were talking, he asked me what self-love looked like to me. I found it disturbing that no matter how many times I ran around in my mind searching over and beneath every quote I had ever come across and everything my mother had ever told me, I could not come up with an answer to the seemingly simple question, "<i>What does self-love look like to you?" </i>In order to save myself I told him that I didn't think self-love had a look and that it was more of a feeling, kind of like how someone can look like a good person, but be the most evil bitch or bastard you had ever crossed paths with. He stopped me and answered the question with the most ease in the world and at that moment I realized that I loved myself, but not enough.<br />
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A portion of self-love is recognizing every trial and tribulation that you have been through, and embracing them as stepping stones to who God wants us to be in Him. Even though I have been abused, homeless and rejected by the ones who should have been closest to me, I have to understand that they are all a part of me. On this journey, which my mother described as one of the beautiful processes in one's life, I no longer have the right to parade around, putting up a facade as if my life has been a crystal stair. I have to look my issues in the face and tell them that I forgive them for making my stomach turn when a male touches me or providing me with the false notion that I will never be good enough for any male because I was never good enough for my father or any other male that I saw as someone I wanted to look up to. I have to gather them in my arms and tell I love them because they have made me who I am and who I am yet to become.<br />
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I believe this will be the hardest thing I have ever done, but the ending result will be a powerful woman...Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-15615636930842470752012-09-25T22:49:00.000-04:002012-09-25T22:49:56.116-04:00I'll Wait... This is such a beautiful song by Anthony Hamilton. It holds so much truth. Why go around giving your heart to any and everyone to beat down and stomp on when there is someone special that needs your heart in full working order...
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With that said, I'll wait for whoever is meant for me. He will know that I deserve each and every part of who his is as much as he deserves me. He will be patient and gentle, and understand that I love him with my whole being even when I act mean towards him. As king and queen, we will build an empire together, that will neither be moved nor shaken by a single being. Our hearts, bodies and souls will be so entwined that we could be miles apart and with one thought from him, I will be able to feel the nonexistent space between us as we love each other down with every ounce of passion that falls from our bodies in the form of white flags shaped as sweat...
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Obviously, I could go on and on but I won't, so enjoy and I hope this song speaks to you as much as it did me.
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Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-68757502930399475282012-09-22T23:07:00.000-04:002012-09-22T23:07:36.501-04:00I Don't Like!<em>Tiger Woods niggas, that's that ish I don't like! Kobe Bryant niggas, that's that ish I don't like! </em><br />
Those were the words I was singing to my friends while pretending to be okay after being faced with the harsh reality that what I have to offer as an Black woman was no longer okay or enough for the guy that I had given so much of myself to. I know I was not in a relationship with this guy or anything like that, but I really thought we were going somewhere. I guess the color of my skin got in the way. I am not white enough for his liking and that hurts me like no one could ever understand.<br />
<br />
As I sit here deep in my thought I do not cry for myself, no. I cry for the Black man that feels that the women who look like his mother, are not good enough for him and never will be. The women who since the beginning of time, have done nothing but lift him up and submit to him with a willingness that he could only pull from our soul. The women that fought for him when the white woman cried "rape!', after their advances were declined and the white man came to teach "that nigger" that no matter how intelligent, successful or washed out he may become that he would never be good enough to grace the inner thighs of a white woman. I cry for the Black man who no longer sees the value and beauty in lifting up his black diamond and cherishing every part of her from the crown of her head to the soles of the feet that carry the burden of what seems the world.<br />
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I don't get it, and I guess I never will, but, I guess all things aren't meant for me to understand.Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-27266242297385586232012-08-30T20:44:00.000-04:002012-12-24T01:45:05.323-05:00A Letter By now, any reader should understand that I am not going to write everyday. I believe that life is for the living, and I have been doing just that. When writing becomes a daily "to do" with no inspiration, it becomes a chore, and I refuse for the one thing that I can always get right to become something that I no longer enjoy. I'm not slack, I just don't believe in writing in the midst of false motivation.<br />
I was reading some of my older writings the other day and I ran across some material that took me to a place of intense emotion that I have been trying to escape for the last few days. With that, I ask this question: Have you ever cared for someone so much that you can never stay mad at them no matter how much they hurt your feelings? <br />
I am caught in that very situation with an individual who confuses me emotionally in every form and fashion. There are some days that I can feel that we still have something there, but then there are those days when I feel invisible but refuse to get his attention because my pride won't allow itself to be placed in the postion of a "chaser" no matter how much I want my presence to be met with the warm caress of a simple "hello." In those moments when I decide I don't want anything more to do with him, <span style="font-family: inherit;">I try to be as curt as possible, but the more I look at him, the more I am reminded of the very reasons I like him so much, therefore
putting up with his BS like I never have for anyone else.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Even though I hate to admit it, I think I want to keep him around for a while. Unfortunately, I don't know if keeping me around is in his agenda. He used to make me feel special and fill me with a joy that was only tangible to the deepest part of my soul. Whenever I see him I want to hold him and never let him go because I love
how our bodies seem to fit together like a puzzle, and the thing about him is
that he use to be perfectly okay with that. Then, I am reminded that we haven't had a real conversation in weeks and reaching for him would put my pride on the line and so, I put up an emotional guard, which dances across my face as a wrinkled eyebrow and speaks in the tone of a wearied silence which would cause the most innocent child to suddenly become unapproachable. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Some days, I want to pick up the phone and give him a call just to see how these last couple of weeks in class have been going and how life is. I would let him carry on and talk as much as he likes because I love the way he speaks. Everything that comes from his mouth seems to be poetic, even when he is being goofy. Everytime I listen to him, everything in the world seems to make sense, but since there has been no verbal ecstacy between us I have been in one of confusion's unrelenting trances that even those who are closest to me cannot seem to snap me out of.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> I know if I continue to place myself in this incessant cycle of uncertainty, I am bound to be hurt to the core, but, I believe what we could have is worth it and who knows--he may feel the same way.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
</span>Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8826054542631254135.post-6318577592155283612012-08-13T17:17:00.000-04:002012-08-13T17:17:24.385-04:00Introduction<span style="color: #666666;">I've always felt as if sharing my writing with the world was a bit of a taboo...almost like placing a session of passionate love making on the internet for anybody to see with no qualm about who the viewer may be. The pen acts as a direct connection to my emotions, and when I hear the music that the point of a pen and paper make in which my heart is acting as conductor, it supplies a euphoric experience like no other...something that I may get lost in for hours at a time, even if that means simply staring at the words that have left my soul exhausted. Sharing that experience, my medicine, with the world just didn't seem right to me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #666666;">With a little encouragement from a special someone, I decided that there is nothing wrong with giving people a small piece of me. I was blessed with the ability to write and shielding that from the world will not benefit who I am and who I hope to become.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #666666;">So here we are...I'm turning a new page in that book called <em>Life.</em></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Emynee Garretthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853073493704173835noreply@blogger.com2