*Note: This is a vent. A flow of thoughts. A release. Not meant to be proper.*
It's been awhile - almost 2 years actually since I've sat down and really shared my life with you guys.
To make a long story short, this space is where I get things off of my chest. Writing is truly my therapy and as I start to type, I can just feel everything beginning to melt away. Over the past (almost) 3 years, I was in a relationship that I honestly thought would be my last. We had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day? I just *knew* we were together for the long haul because we had a chemistry that was amazing. I felt like we loved each other with the same intensity, had the same goals and values and thought we were each other's soulmates. Like, he was my first true everything, and what woman doesn't want her first truth to be the last?
I remember the first time I compromised my needs and wants. It was December 31, 2015. I found out some dishonesty was taking place behind my back and it broke me. I believe I cried for 2 months straight because never in my black ass life would I betray and disrespect someone's love the way mine had been. I should've put things into perspective at the time and moved on, but I was so in love that I believed that things would work out, cause we were "in it for the long haul." The second time I compromised myself, was July 4 of this year. I was confronted with the same issues from December. The twist was we were in Houston looking for apartments. We were literally taking the first steps to realizing our 2 year goal of no longer being in a long distance relationship. I remember saying, "You're a fucking liar and we're not moving to Houston cause you always lying!" At that moment, I should've stood in that. Instead? My in love ass decided that we should move forward and still move to TX. The next month, we planned a trip to HOU to pay for the apartment we chose......I'm the only one who showed up....but he had all the money. At that moment, something inside of me fell off the shelf. I no longer felt the desire to try because I was the only one who ever tried. I was the only one who ever fought, when the entire time I should've realized that I was the one who shoulda been chilling in my amazingness and letting niggas do the fighting for me.
For a month, I tried to make something flicker. I tried to turn back on that fire that had kept me burning for so long, but I just couldn't. Yes, I still loved him, but I was unbelievably angry - at him, at God, at myself for being so dependent. We were sooooo close but here comes some more bullshit. One Saturday, after the HOU abandonment, I laid in my bed and cried until my eyes were almost swollen shut. I couldn't believe that this man who literally swept me off of my feet and once was the man I had been praying for could disregard me in such a major way, I tried to look back at signs before December and I couldn't find any. Yes, there was an issue where he'd text allllll the time, but I just considered it a generational thing where guys just don't know how to pick up the phone. I don't know why y'all are allergic to phone conversation, honestly. Truly. Anyway, we had a heart to heart and I thought things would work themselves out but things just constantly went downhill. I found myself doing what he should've been doing and finding myself extremely unhappy because I wasn't the one who had the making up to do.
Then shit really hit the fan. I got broken up with at 8am while I was at work Via text. When *I* tried to call to give him a chance to at least do it like he cared about me, my call was forwarded after one ring, Instant tears. I had never felt so disrespected or embarrassed or stupid. I stayed in my office that entire day just bawling. It was a horrible time. I woke up crying, went to sleep crying. Stayed away from my house because it was too lonely. Stopped eating cause I'd cry. Like, it was bad lol. After all of the maltreatment, I was somehow not ready to let go. We gave it another go round which lasted MAYBE three weeks. I find it funny because I was treated even worse smh lol...it was like God was like, "Okay, you want this nigga so bad? Here. Imma let you get tired of this shit since you refuse to go cold turkey." The sadness in my face, demeanor, work ethic was so scary. I had never been in a place where I was so not as peace that I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. I couldn't even take decent selfies because I was overcast with this shadow of gloom that just made everything so unattractive, I couldn't find the positive in anything, I hated my job, I hated life. I just wanted to crawl into a ball on my mom's lap and cry for hours, so I did. The first thing I said to her was, "I'm so unhappy and I hate it! I've never felt so undervalued, unappreciated and sad and it's like, I can't get over it!" And I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and she let me do it. One of the most memorable and important things she told me was that "I am lovable. I am worthy. I am deserving" Three things I had forgotten and it showed. I forgot that I was lovable just the way I am and anyone that makes me feel like I have to shift myself to fit into their mold is not the one for me. I forgot that I was worthy of a love that is all-consuming. One that makes me feel secure, warm and inspired. I forgot that I was deserving of the love that I give. The kind that makes me feel like I'm the most special person in the world because I have someone in my corner who would go to war for me without second thought. Someone who is unafraid to tell me that I'm getting on their nerves and vise versa. Someone who I can chill with in my sweats and bonnet, sharing a bag of potato chips, as we watch trash television. So simple. I swear I am not difficult, but I was almost "coerced" into believing that what I was asking for was just the most difficult and impossible shit ever. Like.....
I've learned that you cannot teach someone how to love you if they do not wholly love themselves. No matter how amazing and cool and significant you think someone is? That...shit...doesn't...matter...if they don't see those things in themselves. No matter how you much you tell them, how much you show them by sticking around, they won't get it. They'll just think you're stupid for sticking around with someone (themselves) who they feel isn't worthy. They'll take you and your beautiful ass for granted because you've taught them that no matter how they treat you you're gonna stick around. And oh, bih. They absolutely positively know they have someone amazing. They do...like, don't let these niggas have you out here questioning your greatness, asking yourself, "I'm so great and wonderful. Why doesn't so and so see it?" THEY SEE IT. THEY KNOW. And if they know it? That Kappa, with shoulders loose as water, that's a lawyer? Is just waiting to be all the man you'd ever need and want sees it too.
*takes deep breath* Okay. I think I'm done. I just really needed this space to vent. And I feel so much better. This isn't meant to bash, by any means because I'm not angry. I didn't write this to be mean spirited. I've made peace with the fact that when someone is unable to love you the way you need to be loved, you can't force it. That's like expecting a 6 month old to run a 5k. It's not within their capacity right now, but it will be eventually if they choose for it to be. I can't be mad at someone for completely being unable. That's selfish and it's illogical. What's even more selfish is playing someone's crutch. Being a crutch is not beneficial to either party because one party isn't allowed to do much needed growth and the other creates stress for themselves that is completely unnecessary.
As a final thought: Love yourself ladies (and gents). Know what you deserve. Never downplay your greatness. Sometimes that material shit is overcompensation for being an asshole (thanks to my aunt for putting that into perspective for me). Want what you want and don't back down, Growth is uncomfortable af, but it's necessary. And finally, don't be a side chick. Nobody likes those. Especially dumb ass ones that make themselves visible....
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Final Belle Post of 2014
As the last post of 2014, I think it’s appropriate to
outline what I have learned in the outgoing year. Whether I experienced things
personally or saw someone else go through them, there was always a lesson
behind it that helped me develop into the better Emynee that I fully intend to
take into the New Year. So, without any
further to do, here they are in no particular order:
1.)
Intuition: It’s There for a Reason
“Gut feeling”, “conscience” or whatever you
want to call it, is in essence the same thing: the little voice inside of us that
tells us whether something is great or completely just to the left side of the
universe. Earlier this year, I decided to finally listen after developing some
suspicion with someone I was on and off with, mostly off though. I discovered
that this person was absolutely deceitful and my life was better off without
them. Unfortunately, it should not have taken me that long to realize how
horribly they were playing with my mind because I began to develop feelings
about their character MONTHS before I was faced with reality. When I finally
listened to that little voice, I was free and learned that even the smallest
whisper will save time and energy.
2.)
Sometimes You Just Have to Let Them Go
I’ve never spoken on this to anyone except those
who are very close to me, but earlier this year, I lost my best friend in the whole
world. For about 10 years, we told each other everything, but after some
thinking she decided that it was best for her if we not associate anymore. She
had premature feelings of rejection since she felt as if she’d be replaced with
my “new” sisters and how everything with me was one-sided, but….eh. After she
told me that, I could literally feel my heart shatter, I had to call all the
crew because I was in distress. After a few hours of consultation from my other
best friends who have remained so dear to me, I realized that people figure
themselves out in different ways and they are always right in their own eyes,
even if everyone else looking in knows their reality to be completely false. Her
feelings of insecurity had not one thing to do with me and my situation or
friendship. I did not chase, I did not regret my decision to delete, block,
etc., I just let her go. She had to walk down a path that is right to her and
all I can do is let her do that. I won’t lie, I miss my friend sometimes, and
all the time I catch myself saying, “Dang, I wish I could tell her so and so”
but I can’t and that’s okay. If she ever comes back around, it won’t be the
same because personally, I don’t get over hurtful things well, but if she never
comes back around that’s fine too because, life.
3.)
One Statement: Looking through people is a lot less
energy depleting than not liking them. I cannot help you grow up, but I can really
hope you learn to cash checks your a** wrote before you get into the real
world.
4.)
Write
your vision
For me, it is not enough to say that I will do something; I
must actually write it down and see it every day I wake up. If I roll out of
bed and read what I have written down every day, even if I’m not reading it
aloud, I am putting those vibes of positive energy into the universe. I am speaking
things into existence and subconsciously taking steps to ensure that the actions
I take are all in line with what I want my life to look like presently or in
the future. I was so blessed in 2014. I was reintroduced to someone who I now
care about deeply, I became a woman of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc., I
received an internship that taught me what I don’t want to do, I had lunch with
Dr. Michael Lomax, President and CEO of UNCF, I traveled, made friends from all
over the country, was able to speak on behalf of UNCF at a few schools in South
Carolina, received a job offer, and several more personal victories that I
could honestly go on and on about. Even though there were some things that I
would have preferred not to happen, God had a way of showing me those things
should be the least of my concerns when looking at all the opportunities He
presented to me. I say all that to say, write what you want to see come forth
in your life and thank God for those things no matter how big or small you may
think they are.
5.)
You are enough.
I had to end that one with a period because those three
words change lives. You, with your thickness and all your quirks, bad habits,
and corny jokes are enough. No need to run around trying imitate “cool” because
that’s what you think will get you ahead. Be you in whatever sense that is and
watch that be more than enough for everyone who you attract, whether that be
professionally, romantically or just in the quest to find girlfriends who you
will be able to consider lifelong friends. When you stick out for just being
you and perfectly confident in who you are, people take notice and will respect
you more for it. You feel like going a week without makeup? Do it. You feel
like being alone for a few hours to gather yourself? Be comfortable doing so
without being pressured into socializing. You feel like speaking to someone one
day and not the next? Okay. So? Who is gonna check you, boo? Nobody. Be unashamedly
you and watch things fall in line exactly how you want them to.
6.)
No regrets
Take chances, even if you are unsure about something because
it is better to have done it then to say you should have done it. Try new
things, talk to strangers, help those less fortunate than you, don’t allow
people to waste your time, say what is on your mind if it is right, and most
importantly love those who are special to you unashamedly to the point of
surprising yourself sometimes.
Last but definitely not least I’d like to thank my readers
who have continued to support me through another year. I hope your years were
as eventful as mine and if not, I am sending vibes of incomparable love and
positivity your way with hopes that this upcoming year, will be the best year
ever! XOXO
Monday, December 1, 2014
Distant Lovers
Yesterday, I was in complete emotional shambles and he, was
the reason why. Being miles away from your significant other is hard work, but
if you all are really “meant to be,” the difficulty is worth it. However, when
you all’s time together comes to an end and you have to go your separate ways,
it physically hurts, especially when a voice, text messages and memories are
all of what you’ll have of them until the opportunity comes for the two of you
to make more.
My wish is for everyone to have that crazy and unexplainable, yet completely justifiable mix of emotions I was experiencing yesterday. To
have an encounter with a love so heavy that you have no clue what to do with yourself.
To leave things exactly how they left them because that misplacement of items
is the only tangible thing you’ll have of them before you meet again. To be
emotionally disoriented for hours on end after sharing your “until next time”
kiss because that next time seems like forevers away, but at the same time,
exponentially grateful for the piece of themselves they gave you while they
were here. To remember the full feeling that the kisses, hugs and days spent in
bed watching bad TV gave you; to silently think to yourself, “Dang, I want this
forever,” while you deeply inhale their scent, and methodically exhale so that it
has enough time to leave its impression on your brain.
This type of functionality is what I have hoped for since
deciding I wanted something serious, and all I can do is thank God that He
chose me to entrust this piece of Him to. I am so completely comfortable and
recovered, and feel as though I have met my soul mate. He is my confirmation that
I am good, and my motivation to be better.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Always On Time
"I'm not always there when you call, but I'm always on time...and I gave you my all, now baby be mine" yeah, that song's hardly relevant when looking at the context, but the words, just being the words, I like...so, I'm going to take them....and run with them.
So, picture this, May 23rd (almost 24th) and I'm sitting at my laptop at one of my best friend's house in Cali and I get a direct message on Twitter. My first thought is, "I hope this isn't a rapper trying to promote his mix tape because I don't feel like being nice tonight." My second thought is, "I hope this isn't that little Detroit guy who said his crotch looked just like a Snicker's bar. He clearly does not get the point and I dropped him for a reason besides him being 5'2"." So, I decided to go on and open it and I see a "#heyboo" from a guy who I least expected it from. At this point I'm sure my face has that concerned yet amused look on it, but I go ahead and greet him back because, well, he took me to IHOP. As the conversation goes on, he tells me he's had a crush on me among other things and I'm like "Whaat?!?! Get outta here!" but I'm polished, so I asked him why he never told me and he said it was because he thought I had a man. I literally laughed out loud because in reality I was super single and wasn't interested in anyone at the time because I was so invested in improving and repairing myself and praying to God for a good guy because I deserved one. Then he came along...not when I wanted him, but when the time was appropriate. Truth be told, there was something about him that sparked my interest in who he really was before this whole thing and it all started second semester of my Freshman year when we had Introduction to Education together and he got up in front of the class and talked about his mother and why he was in education. Even though I was thinking "Huh? There's Black people there?" after he said where he was from, I don't think I took my eyes off of him the whole time he was talking. I saw confidence and passion in him and I absolutely loved that.
He eventually gets around to asking me for my number and I gave it to him because it seemed only right after he "electric slid" into my DMs the way he did. I look at my best friend and she says,"Okay Mynee." I laugh because I never thought in a million years that this guy would have my number for any reason outside of borrowing a textbook.
The next morning, I wake up to a text that reads: "Good morning my future Queen have a wonderful day sweetheart." I smile SO hard and think to myself, "Yes! A good one!" The conversation went on as natural as can be and it hasn't stopped since. Not the genuine passion, admiration or anything. As a matter of fact, it's deepened and after I decided to stop being scared of failure I allowed myself to jump into that sea of uncertainty because he's worth it.
He is amazing and beautiful in every way imaginable and he makes me feel the same way. I don't have to prove anything to him because he loves me for me and I him. He makes me laugh and smile and makes me good nervous sometimes and I have to get consultation from 70s babies, but that's okay because I don't want to always have something to say back. I enjoy being taken off guard. He's not crazy or insecure. He even grew his beard out for me! *swoons* He's exactly opposite of me in temperament because he's so chill and I'm....not, but at the same time we have so many similarities and I see the best parts of my dad in him. He even has that reformed hoe part *laughs*.
When I was younger and would think about the kind of man I wanted, someone like him came to mind and I'm so happy that he's a reality and no longer just a pigment of my imagination. After all this time, he finally came around but I guess it took all those messed up situations for me to appreciate someone as wonderful as he. He fits the mold of my perfect man and I can say that with confidence...I'm not looking at his potential and saying that he could possibly be, because he already is. If he ever decided to up and leave I'd be completely devastated *laughs* like devastation past devastation. I literally could not take it and would spend all of my income on a cat kingdom. However, I'd rather not focus on that. I'm so excited to see what life and God has in store for us individually and together.
So here's my bottom line: It happens ladies, just be patient. God has someone especially for you. He may not come when you need him but he'll be there when you are really ready and able to accept someone as magnificent as you deserve. Until that moment, keep working on yourself and as easy as it may seem to do, do not lose faith.
As always, if you have any comments, questions or suggestions, feel free to leave them below! I'll be more than happy to address them! XOXO
So, picture this, May 23rd (almost 24th) and I'm sitting at my laptop at one of my best friend's house in Cali and I get a direct message on Twitter. My first thought is, "I hope this isn't a rapper trying to promote his mix tape because I don't feel like being nice tonight." My second thought is, "I hope this isn't that little Detroit guy who said his crotch looked just like a Snicker's bar. He clearly does not get the point and I dropped him for a reason besides him being 5'2"." So, I decided to go on and open it and I see a "#heyboo" from a guy who I least expected it from. At this point I'm sure my face has that concerned yet amused look on it, but I go ahead and greet him back because, well, he took me to IHOP. As the conversation goes on, he tells me he's had a crush on me among other things and I'm like "Whaat?!?! Get outta here!" but I'm polished, so I asked him why he never told me and he said it was because he thought I had a man. I literally laughed out loud because in reality I was super single and wasn't interested in anyone at the time because I was so invested in improving and repairing myself and praying to God for a good guy because I deserved one. Then he came along...not when I wanted him, but when the time was appropriate. Truth be told, there was something about him that sparked my interest in who he really was before this whole thing and it all started second semester of my Freshman year when we had Introduction to Education together and he got up in front of the class and talked about his mother and why he was in education. Even though I was thinking "Huh? There's Black people there?" after he said where he was from, I don't think I took my eyes off of him the whole time he was talking. I saw confidence and passion in him and I absolutely loved that.
He eventually gets around to asking me for my number and I gave it to him because it seemed only right after he "electric slid" into my DMs the way he did. I look at my best friend and she says,"Okay Mynee." I laugh because I never thought in a million years that this guy would have my number for any reason outside of borrowing a textbook.
The next morning, I wake up to a text that reads: "Good morning my future Queen have a wonderful day sweetheart." I smile SO hard and think to myself, "Yes! A good one!" The conversation went on as natural as can be and it hasn't stopped since. Not the genuine passion, admiration or anything. As a matter of fact, it's deepened and after I decided to stop being scared of failure I allowed myself to jump into that sea of uncertainty because he's worth it.
He is amazing and beautiful in every way imaginable and he makes me feel the same way. I don't have to prove anything to him because he loves me for me and I him. He makes me laugh and smile and makes me good nervous sometimes and I have to get consultation from 70s babies, but that's okay because I don't want to always have something to say back. I enjoy being taken off guard. He's not crazy or insecure. He even grew his beard out for me! *swoons* He's exactly opposite of me in temperament because he's so chill and I'm....not, but at the same time we have so many similarities and I see the best parts of my dad in him. He even has that reformed hoe part *laughs*.
When I was younger and would think about the kind of man I wanted, someone like him came to mind and I'm so happy that he's a reality and no longer just a pigment of my imagination. After all this time, he finally came around but I guess it took all those messed up situations for me to appreciate someone as wonderful as he. He fits the mold of my perfect man and I can say that with confidence...I'm not looking at his potential and saying that he could possibly be, because he already is. If he ever decided to up and leave I'd be completely devastated *laughs* like devastation past devastation. I literally could not take it and would spend all of my income on a cat kingdom. However, I'd rather not focus on that. I'm so excited to see what life and God has in store for us individually and together.
So here's my bottom line: It happens ladies, just be patient. God has someone especially for you. He may not come when you need him but he'll be there when you are really ready and able to accept someone as magnificent as you deserve. Until that moment, keep working on yourself and as easy as it may seem to do, do not lose faith.
As always, if you have any comments, questions or suggestions, feel free to leave them below! I'll be more than happy to address them! XOXO
Words of Wisdom Pt. II
So, I know it's been a while...but for good reason. I have learned so much in these past few months and I'm so excited to be back on here to share my experiences and hopefully be an inspiration. Usually, I go into a long story, but this time, for organization's sake, I'll number the lessons and add the story behind it.
1.) There's nothing wrong with being a good friend.
I am told that often times I am a better friend to others than they are to me and I've come to terms with that. For that reason, my circle is small...and quite frankly, I have no issues with that. Earlier this year, I had a situation where I was friends with someone who basically wore a mask because they were afraid of who they really were. Being a good friend, I believed this "front" and when the truth behind who they really were was revealed, I was devastated. Not because my heart was broken because of the loss of a friend, but because I trusted that person and they lied in my face day in and day out for months. At the end of the day, I chose not to blame myself even though it was fairly easy since "all the signs were there." I chose to see the situation as simply being a good friend and trusting that they were the same to me, but ya know, the world is not like me and I learned that lesson (once again) in another dimension.
2.) Positive vibes!
God already has your destiny written, it's just up to you to feel deserving of that. Over the summer, I was in DC as a UNCF Walton Education Reform Fellow and I absolutely loved it! The work I was doing as far as creating a grant database and doing research? Not so much. However, the people I met were 100% lifelong friend material or simply people you should just have in your back pocket for references or because they know someone who knows someone. The atmosphere was great and I enjoyed the contrast between urban and white collar. I've already decided that I'm moving back up there and it's non-negotiable *laughs*. The biggest lesson I learned was that people love to feel appreciated. Who knew that inviting someone over for dinner could lead to lunch with Dr. Michael Lomax, President of UNCF or that a card, blueberries and flowers (paired with hard work of course) would lead to a hook-up with a job after graduation? If you know you are deserving of something put that into the atmosphere! Do not doubt that you are anything less than amazing! Accept that it will happen to you and take steps to making it happen!
3.) People will be who they are and you DO NOT have to like them either (and it's perfectly okay to tell them).
There's always a problem associated with not liking someone. Like, "Ooo, you must be jealous *pops tongue*" Nah, none of that. You are just a very poisonous individual and because you're miserable, you try to inflict your pain on others, and as someone you tried that with, I don't like you. Never have and never will. Over the past few months, I've recognized that I am a lot more aggressive in my dealings with people than I was in high school. Maybe it's just me growing into my womanliness, I don't know...but I love this newly developed "wildfire." At times, I find myself extremely frustrated with other women because they have not tapped into their "aggression" for lack of better word. On numerous occasions I have told someone an issue I have had with them via text or something of the like and asked them to come see me or call me. Now, every time they see me they avoid me or act funny *shrugs*. Like, I'm not going to yell at you or be rude, I'm going to gingerly tell you the reasons I don't like you with a soft voice and straight face and suggest that you work on them. Completely harmless and no disrespect is given from my end.
At some point, you've got to be tired of being the doormat or the girl who people feel they can get crazy with because you're passive aggressive. I know I did. You have to be confident enough to stand up for yourself and no longer allow disrespect to be thrown your way. Just snap really lady-like one good time and I guarantee you, you will feel like a new person.
4.) You don't need all of the answers, just the one to the question next, or better yet, in your face.
I think this pretty much speaks for itself. Take one day at a time. You cannot control what happens down the line because you are not there yet. All you can do is focus on the here and now and concentrate on those issues first. That speaks for relationships, career, anything...you are in the present, so cherish that.
As always, feel free to leave any comments, questions or suggestions and I'll be more than happy to address them! XOXO
1.) There's nothing wrong with being a good friend.
I am told that often times I am a better friend to others than they are to me and I've come to terms with that. For that reason, my circle is small...and quite frankly, I have no issues with that. Earlier this year, I had a situation where I was friends with someone who basically wore a mask because they were afraid of who they really were. Being a good friend, I believed this "front" and when the truth behind who they really were was revealed, I was devastated. Not because my heart was broken because of the loss of a friend, but because I trusted that person and they lied in my face day in and day out for months. At the end of the day, I chose not to blame myself even though it was fairly easy since "all the signs were there." I chose to see the situation as simply being a good friend and trusting that they were the same to me, but ya know, the world is not like me and I learned that lesson (once again) in another dimension.
2.) Positive vibes!
God already has your destiny written, it's just up to you to feel deserving of that. Over the summer, I was in DC as a UNCF Walton Education Reform Fellow and I absolutely loved it! The work I was doing as far as creating a grant database and doing research? Not so much. However, the people I met were 100% lifelong friend material or simply people you should just have in your back pocket for references or because they know someone who knows someone. The atmosphere was great and I enjoyed the contrast between urban and white collar. I've already decided that I'm moving back up there and it's non-negotiable *laughs*. The biggest lesson I learned was that people love to feel appreciated. Who knew that inviting someone over for dinner could lead to lunch with Dr. Michael Lomax, President of UNCF or that a card, blueberries and flowers (paired with hard work of course) would lead to a hook-up with a job after graduation? If you know you are deserving of something put that into the atmosphere! Do not doubt that you are anything less than amazing! Accept that it will happen to you and take steps to making it happen!
3.) People will be who they are and you DO NOT have to like them either (and it's perfectly okay to tell them).
There's always a problem associated with not liking someone. Like, "Ooo, you must be jealous *pops tongue*" Nah, none of that. You are just a very poisonous individual and because you're miserable, you try to inflict your pain on others, and as someone you tried that with, I don't like you. Never have and never will. Over the past few months, I've recognized that I am a lot more aggressive in my dealings with people than I was in high school. Maybe it's just me growing into my womanliness, I don't know...but I love this newly developed "wildfire." At times, I find myself extremely frustrated with other women because they have not tapped into their "aggression" for lack of better word. On numerous occasions I have told someone an issue I have had with them via text or something of the like and asked them to come see me or call me. Now, every time they see me they avoid me or act funny *shrugs*. Like, I'm not going to yell at you or be rude, I'm going to gingerly tell you the reasons I don't like you with a soft voice and straight face and suggest that you work on them. Completely harmless and no disrespect is given from my end.
At some point, you've got to be tired of being the doormat or the girl who people feel they can get crazy with because you're passive aggressive. I know I did. You have to be confident enough to stand up for yourself and no longer allow disrespect to be thrown your way. Just snap really lady-like one good time and I guarantee you, you will feel like a new person.
4.) You don't need all of the answers, just the one to the question next, or better yet, in your face.
I think this pretty much speaks for itself. Take one day at a time. You cannot control what happens down the line because you are not there yet. All you can do is focus on the here and now and concentrate on those issues first. That speaks for relationships, career, anything...you are in the present, so cherish that.
As always, feel free to leave any comments, questions or suggestions and I'll be more than happy to address them! XOXO
Sunday, February 9, 2014
The Perfect Man List
"I mean, there's not that many good men in the world, so when you get one, you shouldn't complain....don't matter if he ya type or not."
Bullsh*t. There's no better way to put it. For years, women have been forced to feel as though our pickings are slim because good men are few and far between. That has to be the biggest lie I have ever heard...right next to Jesus had blue eyes and blonde hair. The truth is, there are good men EV-ER-Y-WHERE.
Men have always had the right to pick and choose among us and kick us to the curb if so much as a mole was out of place, so why do we (especially as good and wholesome women) not have the right to do the same? All this sprouts from a bit of frustration I had earlier last week about men. Lately, the men who have been approaching me have been either extremely "sexually suspicious" or just interested in sex, I'm 100% sure he doesn't even know my last name. I mean, I could tell the "suspicious" one was a good guy, but just not good for me. (YES ladies there is a such thing as a good guy being bad for you.) I'd definitely feel like a dominatrix in that situation. He'd probably let me ride his back to class while he was on all fours.*laughs* First and foremost, he was not my type my any means. He was short and really stubby. The first thing he asked was if I was Greek and the conversation went down hill from there. His approach was all wrong. He was so soft and kept telling me things about myself that I already knew. I know I'm attractive, I know I'm a "rarity", I know my head is on straight. I was not impressed by him and his aura did not make the situation better. I could've laughed out loud when he told me he was almost 30. Not to rag on the dude, I just want you to understand where my frustration was stemming from. As far as the latest one who's only interested in my waist down.....*sigh*. He's such an irritating little fraction of a fellow. Both times he's called me, it's been after my 11 o' clock cut off time. Both times the conversation has started and ended with things he "wanted to do." *rolls eyes* I'm pretty sure I've heard it all, that stuff does not excite me and I was hoping by my dry "oh" responses that he would catch the hint. Oh yeah, did I mention he's almost 30 too? Stuff like that only sounds semi exciting from............never mind. I digress *laughs*. Anyway, I decided to call my mom and tell her about my frustration. Among other things she told me that settling is stupid and it'll have me in a relationship somewhere wishing I was single again. She told me that she understands that I want a relationship and the companionship that comes with it, but sacrificing my expectations and wants should not be a part of obtaining someone as a "potential." Let that simmer......
She told me that I should sit down and make a list of all the things that my perfect man embodies, physically, spiritually and mentally. (Side note: Don't EVER allow someone to tell you that physical attraction is not important. It's not everything but it is a big part of your overall attraction to someone.) She said that on her list were things like "chocolate", "gentle giant," and "no history of mental issues," and y'all have to know that I hollered at the last one. She said that there were some things that were "negotiables" or things she could go without and "non-negotiables" or things that were absolutely necessary for her to seriously think about being committed to the other party. As I listened to her, I was like "wow" that is basically like a vision board, and guess what? The man she has now is so good to her AND he's a giant. I approve of him because he makes my mother happy and I don't think I've ever seen her with the type of joy that she has now with any other man. Not to throw shade or talk bad about anyone, he just brings out a different part of her that I have never seen.
So, I took her advice and started a "Perfect Man List" and yes, there's a such thing as someone being perfect for you, let no one tell you different. Below are a few of the non-negotiables:
Bullsh*t. There's no better way to put it. For years, women have been forced to feel as though our pickings are slim because good men are few and far between. That has to be the biggest lie I have ever heard...right next to Jesus had blue eyes and blonde hair. The truth is, there are good men EV-ER-Y-WHERE.
Men have always had the right to pick and choose among us and kick us to the curb if so much as a mole was out of place, so why do we (especially as good and wholesome women) not have the right to do the same? All this sprouts from a bit of frustration I had earlier last week about men. Lately, the men who have been approaching me have been either extremely "sexually suspicious" or just interested in sex, I'm 100% sure he doesn't even know my last name. I mean, I could tell the "suspicious" one was a good guy, but just not good for me. (YES ladies there is a such thing as a good guy being bad for you.) I'd definitely feel like a dominatrix in that situation. He'd probably let me ride his back to class while he was on all fours.*laughs* First and foremost, he was not my type my any means. He was short and really stubby. The first thing he asked was if I was Greek and the conversation went down hill from there. His approach was all wrong. He was so soft and kept telling me things about myself that I already knew. I know I'm attractive, I know I'm a "rarity", I know my head is on straight. I was not impressed by him and his aura did not make the situation better. I could've laughed out loud when he told me he was almost 30. Not to rag on the dude, I just want you to understand where my frustration was stemming from. As far as the latest one who's only interested in my waist down.....*sigh*. He's such an irritating little fraction of a fellow. Both times he's called me, it's been after my 11 o' clock cut off time. Both times the conversation has started and ended with things he "wanted to do." *rolls eyes* I'm pretty sure I've heard it all, that stuff does not excite me and I was hoping by my dry "oh" responses that he would catch the hint. Oh yeah, did I mention he's almost 30 too? Stuff like that only sounds semi exciting from............never mind. I digress *laughs*. Anyway, I decided to call my mom and tell her about my frustration. Among other things she told me that settling is stupid and it'll have me in a relationship somewhere wishing I was single again. She told me that she understands that I want a relationship and the companionship that comes with it, but sacrificing my expectations and wants should not be a part of obtaining someone as a "potential." Let that simmer......
She told me that I should sit down and make a list of all the things that my perfect man embodies, physically, spiritually and mentally. (Side note: Don't EVER allow someone to tell you that physical attraction is not important. It's not everything but it is a big part of your overall attraction to someone.) She said that on her list were things like "chocolate", "gentle giant," and "no history of mental issues," and y'all have to know that I hollered at the last one. She said that there were some things that were "negotiables" or things she could go without and "non-negotiables" or things that were absolutely necessary for her to seriously think about being committed to the other party. As I listened to her, I was like "wow" that is basically like a vision board, and guess what? The man she has now is so good to her AND he's a giant. I approve of him because he makes my mother happy and I don't think I've ever seen her with the type of joy that she has now with any other man. Not to throw shade or talk bad about anyone, he just brings out a different part of her that I have never seen.
So, I took her advice and started a "Perfect Man List" and yes, there's a such thing as someone being perfect for you, let no one tell you different. Below are a few of the non-negotiables:
- ability to make me smile
- ambitious
- believes in the power of prayer
- beautiful (in terms of who he is)
- charming
- honest
- hardworking
- considerate
- good hugger
- passionate about everything he does
- spiritual (NOT religious)
- 6'2" to 6'4" (nothing more nothing less)
- full beard (not necessary, but he MUST be willing to grow it out for me)
- no kids
- able to cook
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Johnny Appleseed
Now, if the story serves me correctly, Johnny Appleseed was a man who planted many seeds during his travels, but never really got the opportunity to enjoy the fruits. I know, you probably read that line thinking, "what in the world?" but hold on...I have a point AND some advice that stemmed from simply living.
A few weeks ago, I called my sister down and out about some things and she told me some valuable stuff. Even though I wasn't really looking for a piece of advice (I only wanted someone to listen), she got me thinking. What she told me was, "You are not always meant to sit under the shade of the trees you plant." At first, I was like, "huh?" but then it clicked for me. A lot of times the man who did a complete 360 for us from the time we met him, is not meant to stay with us for a lifetime. There may be some broken woman in the world who really needs what you instilled in him way more than you do. We were meant to constantly reach higher levels of love and understanding, so how can you do that when you’re only getting back what you put into him and nothing more? Do you get what I’m saying? I’m not talking about reciprocity, that’s something totally different. Let me put it this way, if you teach someone who knows nothing about math “2+2” (which is the only thing you know too), they can’t teach you anything but “2+2.” You’re not learning anything except for what you already know. He may need to break from you and go teach someone else “2+2.” Occasionally, you may luck up and find someone who takes “2+2” and turns it into “3+1”, “4+0” and “√16”. Those are the people you need to keep around for a lifetime because they rarely come around. That doesn't just apply to guys (or girls), it applies to friends as well--that leads me to another point: If you surround yourself with people who only do the learning and never the enlightening, then I suggest you do some introspection and adjust your personal circle. Always teaching and never being refilled is exhausting and gets you nothing in life, except for a circle of needy people who always need you to solve their problems.
With that being said, I'll leave you with this: it's okay to move on. In some cases, it's best the possible thing you can do for your physical and spiritual being. You don't have to always gain the fruits of your labor, because a lot of times, the fruit won't benefit us all that much anyway.
As always, if you have any comments, questions, or concerns leave them below and I will be more than happy to address them! XOXO
A few weeks ago, I called my sister down and out about some things and she told me some valuable stuff. Even though I wasn't really looking for a piece of advice (I only wanted someone to listen), she got me thinking. What she told me was, "You are not always meant to sit under the shade of the trees you plant." At first, I was like, "huh?" but then it clicked for me. A lot of times the man who did a complete 360 for us from the time we met him, is not meant to stay with us for a lifetime. There may be some broken woman in the world who really needs what you instilled in him way more than you do. We were meant to constantly reach higher levels of love and understanding, so how can you do that when you’re only getting back what you put into him and nothing more? Do you get what I’m saying? I’m not talking about reciprocity, that’s something totally different. Let me put it this way, if you teach someone who knows nothing about math “2+2” (which is the only thing you know too), they can’t teach you anything but “2+2.” You’re not learning anything except for what you already know. He may need to break from you and go teach someone else “2+2.” Occasionally, you may luck up and find someone who takes “2+2” and turns it into “3+1”, “4+0” and “√16”. Those are the people you need to keep around for a lifetime because they rarely come around. That doesn't just apply to guys (or girls), it applies to friends as well--that leads me to another point: If you surround yourself with people who only do the learning and never the enlightening, then I suggest you do some introspection and adjust your personal circle. Always teaching and never being refilled is exhausting and gets you nothing in life, except for a circle of needy people who always need you to solve their problems.
With that being said, I'll leave you with this: it's okay to move on. In some cases, it's best the possible thing you can do for your physical and spiritual being. You don't have to always gain the fruits of your labor, because a lot of times, the fruit won't benefit us all that much anyway.
As always, if you have any comments, questions, or concerns leave them below and I will be more than happy to address them! XOXO
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