Friends With My Ex??

   So, I know there are a lot of people out there who argue that you should never talk to your ex after you have agreed to go you all's separate ways, whether that agreement be consensual...or not so consensual. Personally, I believe that if you all were true friends then it's perfectly okay to talk to each other after you all are no longer in a relationship just as long as you both know your boundaries and of course the other person wants to remain friends as well. In order to explain the process, I'll outline some guidelines about what you can and cannot do.

1. Give each other SPACE! If you have ever been in a relationship that ended you understand how much of an emotional toll it can take on you. For females, I know it feels like the whole world is coming to an end and nothing in the world can make us feel better, especially if we REALLY cared for this individual. Please give each other time and space to figure the world out. If that person still wants to remain friends, they'll come around......believe me. Do not press the issue or they may never come around.
2. Don't get it TWISTED! It's important that you remember that you all broke up for one purpose or another. Your ex is your ex for a reason. Just because they come back around doesn't mean that they want a relationship with you again, it probably just means that they still want you in their life for one reason or another. Find that reason out and conduct yourself accordingly.
3. Know your boundaries! As difficult as it may be (especially if they are one of the sexiest things on Earth) don't cross certain lines, especially if you're the one who did the "breaking up." You may confuse the other person emotionally and that is an issue no one wants to deal with. If you are no longer in a relationship with that person, you don't need to be kissing them, touching them intimately, having "alone time" or saying things that you said when you were in a relationship. You lost that dynamic of the relationship once you all decided to no longer be together. If you notice your ex is trying to "get over" on you, quietly remind him or her that they lost that privilege.....it works every time  If they don't get it, I suggest you remove yourself from the situation and tell that person that you all are simply friends and they need to remember that.

   Now, I don't claim to know it all, but these are some of the things that I have learned while keeping a strong and meaningful friendship with my ex-boyfriend. While it did take a month or two for us to start talking again, once we did it was smooth sailing. It was almost like we never lost a beat. He knows his place and I know mine. While he occasionally does step out of line, I correct him, but in a male's mind if you are giving him any type of time he believes he has a chance of getting the good stuff (NOPE!!!) He didn't get it in the relationship and I hope he knows that he's definitely not getting anything outside of the relationship.

Anyway, these are just a few guidelines. If you have any others or you don't agree with what I said, feel free to comment below...your point of view is always welcome! XOXO

Post of the Decade!

    Out of boredom, I decided to log on to Facebook. As I was perusing through the usual "he said-she said" drama, wanna-be-a-thug-niggas posting Biggie lyrics and twelve year old children talking about the little life they have lived, I came across this picture. Honestly, it took me by surprise--not because I haven't known this, but because somebody else besides me knows this!

So many times I've heard females complain about men not being chivalrous towards them. While I listen to her bitch and moan about how this male doesn't open doors for her, watch his profanity in her presence and blah blah blee blah, I am forced to bite my tongue. I would tell her that if she put her titties and butt away every once in a while maybe she'd attract a man who actually treated her like more than a basic hoe. I would tell her that if she showed that she loved herself and displayed characteristics that weren't of a woman who constantly thirsts for the drink that only males can offer, maybe a male would recognize that she's more than a walking collection of moist holes. But unfortunately, since she doesn't carry herself like a lady, men don't feel the need to put on like gentlemen.

    Ladies, maybe some of your mothers did not have this conversation with you, but men will only treat you how you allow them to treat you! (PLEASE take a moment and soak that in) Don't get me wrong, there are some men who know that you're a lady but just don't have that sort of training that we see as "gentlemen-like" and that's where you have to teach him. I mean, any man really doesn't know right off the bat how to treat you and even if you aren't verbally telling him the dos and don'ts of how to handle you, your carriage will teach him. For instance, if you always get the door yourself, he'll just figure he never has to get the door. Fortunately, I've never had to open any door for myself when I was with a male and if I was with a male who thought I was going to get the door, I would stand there until he got the message! I know some of you may be asking yourselves whether or not I looked stupid and the answer is no. It usually didn't take more than two or three seconds for the message to get through to him because fortunately, I've been blessed to only have been approached by intelligent men. Now, if everything doesn't quite "click" in your man's head, maybe you should nudge him along with a "aren't you gonna get that." If he still doesn't get it, make sure you lose his number and run away as fast as you possibly can because he is probably an escapee from the mental asylum, I'm just saying. How he treats you is not only in chivalry. For instance, let's say you're a pretty passive person. Your man just does ridiculous things and you never address the issue because, well.....you're passive. He knows that you won't say anything because you never have and most likely never will. Then, if you finally decide to address the issue, he'll probably look at you half crazy and say "you trippin" because you've never said anything before. The same goes for the ladies that break-up with their men and take him back. He'll keep doing whatever the hell he wants, because he knows no matter how bad he messes up, you'll always take him back. The point is to establish your expectations at the beginning of your relationship, that way, there is no room for confusion. When you lay out your expectations, he will be forced to meet them if he really likes you and if he refuses to try to reach them, then maybe you need to let him go.

    Now, like I said before, if you're expecting all of these things, (the chivalry stuff at least) you have to carry yourself like a lady. A lot of times, a man won't be chivalrous towards a female he considers a block head. Don't just expect a nigga to open a door, though, and have an air of...what is it? ENTITLEMENT. A guy does not HAVE to open a door for you, but when he does say "thank you." Act like a lady by being appreciative and I promise you, he'll feel more led to do more gentlemen like things for you.

   I think I've said maybe all that I can say relating to this subject. I'll only ramble on and on about various things that won't even relate, so I'll just call it quits. But, what I will say is, I only share what I have learned in my short 19 years and am still learning, so if you don't agree with something I said or you feel like there's more to it, comment below. I'm more than open...XOXO