Bullsh*t. There's no better way to put it. For years, women have been forced to feel as though our pickings are slim because good men are few and far between. That has to be the biggest lie I have ever heard...right next to Jesus had blue eyes and blonde hair. The truth is, there are good men EV-ER-Y-WHERE.
Men have always had the right to pick and choose among us and kick us to the curb if so much as a mole was out of place, so why do we (especially as good and wholesome women) not have the right to do the same? All this sprouts from a bit of frustration I had earlier last week about men. Lately, the men who have been approaching me have been either extremely "sexually suspicious" or just interested in sex, I'm 100% sure he doesn't even know my last name. I mean, I could tell the "suspicious" one was a good guy, but just not good for me. (YES ladies there is a such thing as a good guy being bad for you.) I'd definitely feel like a dominatrix in that situation. He'd probably let me ride his back to class while he was on all fours.*laughs* First and foremost, he was not my type my any means. He was short and really stubby. The first thing he asked was if I was Greek and the conversation went down hill from there. His approach was all wrong. He was so soft and kept telling me things about myself that I already knew. I know I'm attractive, I know I'm a "rarity", I know my head is on straight. I was not impressed by him and his aura did not make the situation better. I could've laughed out loud when he told me he was almost 30. Not to rag on the dude, I just want you to understand where my frustration was stemming from. As far as the latest one who's only interested in my waist down.....*sigh*. He's such an irritating little fraction of a fellow. Both times he's called me, it's been after my 11 o' clock cut off time. Both times the conversation has started and ended with things he "wanted to do." *rolls eyes* I'm pretty sure I've heard it all, that stuff does not excite me and I was hoping by my dry "oh" responses that he would catch the hint. Oh yeah, did I mention he's almost 30 too? Stuff like that only sounds semi exciting from............never mind. I digress *laughs*. Anyway, I decided to call my mom and tell her about my frustration. Among other things she told me that settling is stupid and it'll have me in a relationship somewhere wishing I was single again. She told me that she understands that I want a relationship and the companionship that comes with it, but sacrificing my expectations and wants should not be a part of obtaining someone as a "potential." Let that simmer......
She told me that I should sit down and make a list of all the things that my perfect man embodies, physically, spiritually and mentally. (Side note: Don't EVER allow someone to tell you that physical attraction is not important. It's not everything but it is a big part of your overall attraction to someone.) She said that on her list were things like "chocolate", "gentle giant," and "no history of mental issues," and y'all have to know that I hollered at the last one. She said that there were some things that were "negotiables" or things she could go without and "non-negotiables" or things that were absolutely necessary for her to seriously think about being committed to the other party. As I listened to her, I was like "wow" that is basically like a vision board, and guess what? The man she has now is so good to her AND he's a giant. I approve of him because he makes my mother happy and I don't think I've ever seen her with the type of joy that she has now with any other man. Not to throw shade or talk bad about anyone, he just brings out a different part of her that I have never seen.
So, I took her advice and started a "Perfect Man List" and yes, there's a such thing as someone being perfect for you, let no one tell you different. Below are a few of the non-negotiables:
- ability to make me smile
- believes in the power of prayer
- beautiful (in terms of who he is)
- good hugger
- passionate about everything he does
- spiritual (NOT religious)
- 6'2" to 6'4" (nothing more nothing less)
- full beard (not necessary, but he MUST be willing to grow it out for me)
- no kids
- able to cook