Sunday, February 9, 2014

The Perfect Man List

"I mean, there's not that many good men in the world, so when you get one, you shouldn't complain....don't matter if he ya type or not."
     Bullsh*t. There's no better way to put it. For years, women have been forced to feel as though our pickings are slim because good men are few and far between. That has to be the biggest lie I have ever heard...right next to Jesus had blue eyes and blonde hair. The truth is, there are good men EV-ER-Y-WHERE.
     Men have always had the right to pick and choose among us and kick us to the curb if so much as a mole was out of place, so why do we (especially as good and wholesome women) not have the right to do the same? All this sprouts from a bit of frustration I had earlier last week about men. Lately, the men who have been approaching me have been either extremely "sexually suspicious" or just interested in sex, I'm 100% sure he doesn't even know my last name. I mean, I could tell the "suspicious" one was a good guy, but just not good for me. (YES ladies there is a such thing as a good guy being bad for you.) I'd definitely feel like a dominatrix in that situation. He'd probably let me ride his back to class while he was on all fours.*laughs* First and foremost, he was not my type my any means. He was short and really stubby. The first thing he asked was if I was Greek and the conversation went down hill from there. His approach was all wrong. He was so soft and kept telling me things about myself that I already knew. I know I'm attractive, I know I'm a "rarity", I know my head is on straight. I was not impressed by him and his aura did not make the situation better. I could've laughed out loud when he told me he was almost 30. Not to rag on the dude, I just want you to understand where my frustration was stemming from. As far as the latest one who's only interested in my waist down.....*sigh*. He's such an irritating little fraction of a fellow. Both times he's called me, it's been after my 11 o' clock cut off time. Both times the conversation has started and ended with things he "wanted to do." *rolls eyes* I'm pretty sure I've heard it all, that stuff does not excite me and I was hoping by my dry "oh" responses that he would catch the hint. Oh yeah, did I mention he's almost 30 too? Stuff like that only sounds semi exciting from............never mind. I digress *laughs*. Anyway, I decided to call my mom and tell her about my frustration. Among other things she told me that settling is stupid and it'll have me in a relationship somewhere wishing I was single again. She told me that she understands that I want a relationship and the companionship that comes with it, but sacrificing my expectations and wants should not be a part of obtaining someone as a "potential." Let that simmer......
She told me that I should sit down and make a list of all the things that my perfect man embodies, physically, spiritually and mentally. (Side note: Don't EVER allow someone to tell you that physical attraction is not important. It's not everything but it is a big part of your overall attraction to someone.) She said that on her list were things like "chocolate", "gentle giant," and "no history of mental issues," and y'all have to know that I hollered at the last one. She said that there were some things that were "negotiables" or things she could go without and "non-negotiables" or things that were absolutely necessary for her to seriously think about being committed to the other party. As I listened to her, I was like "wow" that is basically like a vision board, and guess what? The man she has now is so good to her AND he's a giant. I approve of him because he makes my mother happy and I don't think I've ever seen her with the type of joy that she has now with any other man. Not to throw shade or talk bad about anyone, he just brings out a different part of her that I have never seen.
So, I took her advice and started a "Perfect Man List" and yes, there's a such thing as someone being perfect for you, let no one tell you different. Below are a few of the non-negotiables:

  • ability to make me smile
  • ambitious
  • believes in the power of prayer
  • beautiful (in terms of who he is)
  • charming
  • honest
  • hardworking
  • considerate
  • good hugger
  • passionate about everything he does
  • spiritual (NOT religious)
  • 6'2" to 6'4" (nothing more nothing less)
Now, my negotiables:

  • full beard (not necessary, but he MUST be willing to grow it out for me)
  • no kids
  • able to cook
My original list is extremely long, I just wanted to give you an idea of what it can look like and encourage you to do the same. You can even put it on your vision board/wall if you have one, as it basically is a vision list. The only thing is, you have to stick to it and be brave enough to keep it moving if a man does not match up with the qualities you've outlined for yourself. Even though he may not show up next week, month or even year, he'll come if you keep reminding yourself of how wonderful he is by looking at your list. Give it a try and leave a few attributes of your perfect man below! I'd love to read them!XOXO

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Johnny Appleseed

    Now, if the story serves me correctly, Johnny Appleseed was a man who planted many seeds during his travels, but never really got the opportunity to enjoy the fruits. I know, you probably read that line thinking, "what in the world?" but hold on...I have a point AND some advice that stemmed from simply living.  
     A few weeks ago, I called my sister down and out about some things and she told me some valuable stuff. Even though I wasn't really looking for a piece of advice (I only wanted someone to listen), she got me thinking. What she told me was, "You are not always meant to sit under the shade of the trees you plant." At first, I was like, "huh?" but then it clicked for me. A lot of times the man who did a complete 360 for us from the time we met him, is not meant to stay with us for a lifetime. There may be some broken woman in the world who really needs what you instilled in him way more than you do. We were meant to constantly reach higher levels of love and understanding, so how can you do that when you’re only getting back what you put into him and nothing more? Do you get what I’m saying? I’m not talking about reciprocity, that’s something totally different. Let me put it this way, if you teach someone who knows nothing about math “2+2” (which is the only thing you know too), they can’t teach you anything but “2+2.” You’re not learning anything except for what you already know. He may need to break from you and go teach someone else “2+2.” Occasionally, you may luck up and find someone who takes “2+2” and turns it into “3+1”, “4+0” and “16”.  Those are the people you need to keep around for a lifetime because they rarely come around. That doesn't just apply to guys (or girls), it applies to friends as well--that leads me to another point: If you surround yourself with people who only do the learning and never the enlightening, then I suggest you do some introspection and adjust your personal circle. Always teaching and never being refilled is exhausting and gets you nothing in life, except for a circle of needy people who always need you to solve their problems. 

    With that being said, I'll leave you with this: it's okay to move on. In some cases, it's best the possible thing you can do for your physical and spiritual being. You don't have to always gain the fruits of your labor, because a lot of times, the fruit won't benefit us all that much anyway.


    As always, if you have any comments, questions, or concerns leave them below and I will be more than happy to address them! XOXO

Saturday, October 5, 2013

I'll Wait.....Some More

First off, let me apologize. I often forget I have readers and neglect to write when I know I should be. With that being said, let me catch you all up on the things that have been going on in my life and offer the wisdom and lessons learned that I always do.

The last time you all heard about my personal life, I had been dumped by a guy who I just knew I was going to spend my life, or at least, several years with. Even though I was hurting, I used the time between the breakup and the day I moved back on campus to do some introspection and get myself together for the next man that God decided He wanted to place in my life....and I was successful. I came to school at peace and was ready to conquer my junior year of college and live my life happily single while experiencing the love that only God could provide. My first night on campus, I was preparing to go to a party on campus with my sister to scope out all of the freshmen and understand their vibe. I'm in the mirror putting on my mascara when my phone rings, and guess who it is....the guy who several weeks earlier had kicked me to the curb. I contemplated answering the phone for a few seconds but I finally did, thinking that he was drunk or something. I answered the phone confused and he was just talking to me like everything was okay and finally, I brought up the ever burning issue of why in the world he was calling me. I don't quite remember what he said verbatim, but it was somewhere along the lines of "I was just thinking about you". He said some other things about his knowledge of him f**king up and I could only agree. I told him that I would've respected him a lot more if he told me that he wanted to end what we had instead of saying that he "needed a break from us", knowing good and well he had no initial intentions of ever coming back to me. He said he understood and the conversation kept moving, and the conversation ended with, "Well, I'm about to go into this party...as always it's good talking to you. Good night." After we hung up, I couldn't help but tell my sister about the conversation, even though she could hardly hear me over the DJs horrible line-up. She simply brushed it off, as she doesn't like him....never has and never will. 

The next day, I got another call from him and it surprised me, as I simply thought he was calling to check to see if I was still alive the night before. We talked for HOURS like old times and immediately those feelings from before were kicked back up a little. I realized that I missed his country grammar, his soft voice and the way he makes me laugh, but I decided to ignore it because I knew we were simply catching up as friends. 

After a while, I realized that he wanted to be more than friends again so let myself fall for him once again. My suspicions of his feelings were met when he went through this app where anonymous people can ask you questions and told me that he liked me but he didn't know if I wanted to try again. I responded with "you never know if you don't ask". At this point, I didn't know who this was, but if they were serious, they'd keep asking questions. He then said that I didn't know who it was and I told him that I didn't and to tell me. He then said "oh well." I then knew who it was because only he says that to me. I responded with telling him that I don't play the guessing game anyway and that he could've called or sent me a text message like an adult but....oh well. He then said "true". There is no other man on this planet who responds to me in conversation with true but him so I told him that I knew exactly who it was and my guess was correct. It still took an entire weekend to get out of him whether or not he was serious but he was and we began trying to patch things up in late September. We would talk about the future and all of that good stuff and tell each other everything because we were more than potential spouses, we were best friends. 

Now to the part where I get dumped........again lol smh. The other night we were on the phone and he says "what's up" to me and I'm like "huh?" He says, "have you ever been texting someone and then say what you were texting?" I say, "No, because I don't text people when I'm on the phone with you" and that was the end of that conversation. He then says in a joking manner, "I'm only talking to you, but that's what everybody says." I respond, "Well, when I say that, I'm telling the truth." I was thinking to myself that he should know this by now. He said, "Well, I text other people but I already told you that." Immediately my heart drops and I tell him that I'm going to sleep. I don't hear anything over the phone so I'm saying "Hello?" repeatedly and then the phone disconnects. He texts me "Lol wow" and I text back "What? You hung up on me" and he responds with "No" so I immediately call him back. He said, "You said you were going to sleep?" and I told him I was and he says "oh well." I asked him what he said that for and he said nothing and told me that he was going to sleep too. We said our good nights and I text him that my feelings were just hurt and he asked why I felt that way and asked if I really did hang up. I told him that it was because I forget sometimes that he's not mine and that like I said before I didn't hang up on him. He responds with "Iight" and I asked him what that means and he said "nothing goodnight". Immediately I'm confused at why he's upset because clearly I'm the one who should feel played. I don't hear from him the next morning which was unusual because we usually talk things through the next day. I take it upon myself to to text him and he is extremely curt with me. I told him that clearly he wasn't feeling me that day and good luck on his paper, which I was helping him on the night before. He says "ok thanks". I don't hear from him that entire night in to the next morning. Again, I text him saying that I'm not sure where his head is at, but I miss hearing his voice and would like to talk to him soon. A few minutes later, he texts me saying that he doesn't want a relationship and he has a lot on his plate and he doesn't want me to think that he's playing me and he has to ease up because he doesn't want me in my feelings. Naturally, I'm confused because a day or two previous to that, he was talking about him wanting a relationship with me and actually taking the steps to achieve that. I told him that I was afraid he was going to leave me hanging again, but you live and learn and as always I want nothing but happiness for him. He responds with "wow ok." In my mind, I'm wondering why he's wow-ing because he's the one who kicked me to the curb (once again) via text. I guess he got his feelings hurt because he twisted up my words all types of ways, saying that I never intended on him being my last and how he was simply a lesson. *insert straight face* People......I never said any of this! That was basically the end of that conversation. Keep in mind, that this conversation was all during my field experience in a high school classroom. My eyes got a little wet, but I played it off by yawning, I couldn't go down like that.....I'm a straight G. As soon as I got back to my room, I popped open a big can of select beverage and cried to Ali (thank God she was in my room printing off an application). I told her that it wasn't fair to be simply an option to someone who I had made my only choice and how I was completely done with men and how I didn't want to be bothered by any of them, I even went so far as to telling her to delete his number out of my phone and un-friending him on Facebook lol. I was in the midst of deleting this guy out of my life forever!(in the midst of my fiery temper tantrum he sent me a text saying that he believes that God has someone special for me.) I got into the bed and went to sleep after I posted a few comical tweets and one that outlined the difficulty of being a naturally loving, caring and emotionally open person. I layed in my bed and just cried, cried, cried like a big baby because I was just so sick of everything. I asked myself over and over again why I allowed myself to be just a great woman to men who didn't even have the common courtesy to pick the phone up and kick me to the curb. I asked God why in the world he made me with such a huge heart and then allowed me to attract these...guys. I told him that I was sick of these dudes that feel like they can simply walk in and out of my life and sick of going through the same thing but with a different face. I was outright pitiful, but in the middle of my "pitifulness", I told God that I would wait for whoever He has for me, because this getting my feelings hurt business, was NOT for your girl. 

He called later that night because he had an issue with something I said on Twitter, we argued a little bit more and we haven't spoken since....

So here's where the wisdom and advice part comes in.....
Patience is key! What I have to tell myself is that even though I haven't been in a serious relationship or even been on my first date, that those things WILL COME! I am only twenty years old and while I am focused on being sought out by the man who God placed on this earth especially for me, I should enjoy the time I have as a single young woman and use it to grow even more. While it is easy for me to say that I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life, I know that's not true. God put me (and YOU) on this earth to be a force and the reason why a man wakes up every morning and decides to make good choices. Do you understand that one day, a man will walk up to you already set in his mind that you are going to be his wife? Do you realize that you will be the reason why a man decides to grow and become better with each day? Do you realize that there is a man somewhere in this world who would (without a second thought) give his life for you, just as God's only Son? Let that simmer for a bit......

Don't get discouraged by these "knuckleheads who are fake a**holes most of the time and don't even know if they're on the DL or not" as my dad would say. Be encouraged because you have always been on this earth for a man to love and cherish whole-heartedly and NOT only when he feels. Even though you may not come across him in the next month, or even year your patience and "struggles" in love will be rewarded and you'll wonder how in the world you lucked up with a man so beautiful.

As always, feel free to leave comments, questions and suggestions below! I always respond!XOXO

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

C.Metro....Bruh

Anyone who knows me understands that I respect those who are out here using their talents to make it in life, so when I saw this guy by the name of C. Metro constantly promoting himself via Twitter, I couldn't help but pay attention.  He was different from the other self-promoting rappers who would pop up in your DMs with some generic pre-written BS saying “Thanks for the follow. Check out my new single “Booty Meat and Cigarillos” on YouTube.” On top of that, he attended University of South Carolina – Aiken, a university not too far from my own.  So, when he shot me a direct message the other day asking me to promote for him, I took it as an opportunity to not only compliment his talent, but ask for an interview since I admired his drive and ambition.  He told me he would be down for it ASAP and needless to say, I got super excited because I KNEW for a FACT he was going somewhere, my “successful man senses” were tingling  and I have NEVER been wrong *laughs*. As a matter of fact, three days after our interview, he earned himself a record deal with State House Records.
Since I am car-less and jobless, I figured the best way to go about the interview was via Oovoo and after witnessing his easiness on the eyes, charm and humor, I was beyond happy I was NOT to be in his presence. 
The first question I asked him was what his real name was. The future educator in me just refuses to call people by their nicknames, shortened names, or in his case, stage name so I thought it only appropriate to ask. He said, “Leo Jones” and I asked how to spell it since my name is pronounced ‘Imani’ but spelled ‘Emynee.’ He laughed a little and told me that he doesn't think that there’s any other way to spell it.
I then asked where he was from, since I know a lot of artists pull inspiration from where they originate. He said he was born in Texas, but he has lived in Columbia, SC for the last 15 or 16 and I’m guessing it would be safe to say that that is where the inspiration for his stage name comes from.
I listened to his CD, Bars 2 (which I will put up the link to at the bottom of the post) and was really impressed by it, I did not skip one song and that is rare for me to do….especially when it comes to rap. I found that the songs I enjoyed most were “Bed of Roses” and “Once Again” since they had an R&B tip to them. When I told him this, he smiled a little bit and told me that he likes R&B as well. He felt as though he was holding back his lyrical ability though, so he decided to make that CD. On both of the tracks, a singer by the name of Quez was featured, so naturally I asked how the two met. He told me that he had known him since the time around his freshman year of high school but he had passed away. I didn’t want to go into too much detail because I know how I am when it comes to loved ones passing, so I moved on to my next question. 
With the whole uproar that surrounded Kendrick Lamar’s verse in one of the songs he was featured in, I thought it would be interesting to hear his thoughts on the state of the rap game today. Very honestly, the self-proclaimed genius told me that he couldn’t speak on the game as a whole, but locally (as in South Carolina) he said that the game is not where it needs to be. He stated that he doesn’t like collaborating because rappers here do not work hard and they do not take rapping seriously.  I then asked him what separates him from other artists. Since he clearly stated that he was a hard worker with his previous question, I asked if it was his work ethic that separated him from the rest. He said that he was his biggest critic. He said that he doesn’t like sleeping because he feels as though he’ll be missing out on something. He told me that he could have an 8AM class but stay up all night perfecting his craft.
I asked who influenced his style and he said that nobody influenced his style. If he could compare himself to other rappers, it doesn’t make him an artist. He moved on to telling me that he switches up his style a lot and that he studies Biggie Smalls’s flow as well as Lil Wayne’s. I could not help but smile since that mentality, the willingness to not only be a student to your craft but go further and become a trailblazer, is what makes the greats, greater. 
After dealing with a technical difficulty that had me running up and down the hallways for another computer (thanks for your patience by the way), I continued the interview by asking what he felt was the highest or most successful point in his career this far. He told me that this past summer as a whole was the highest point. He said that he works by himself, since he is worrisome about hiring help, but still managed to get shows everywhere – in Georgia, Columbia, Charleston…basically all over South Carolina. The second to last question I asked was who he would like to work with in the future and right off the bat he said Kendrick Lamar, he also said he would like to work with Future as well, stating “Everything he touches goes; he just doesn’t rap, he’s smart with it.” He told me that he would never want to work with anyone like 2Chainz because he raps dumb for someone who graduated college with a 4.0 GPA.
To close the interview I asked him if he would like to give any shout outs and they go as follows:

The Dogg Pound in Greenwood, South Carolina – (“Ay, girl what you know about the Dogg Pound??” ß He told me to add this lol) He said that these men are like brothers to him and keep him level headed.

His cousin Carlos Dubois who attends my university, Claflin University

His cousin Marquis Jones, who is #27 on South Carolina State University’s football team

Last but not least, his roommate Vincent at USCA

At the end of the interview he told me to tell y’all other things about him. He said that he is not a dumb rapper. He is on the Dean’s List and he also enjoys drinking beer. Clearly, he has a great sense of humor. *laughs*

Anyway, C.Metro also has a mixtape coming out soon which will probably drop within the next month, but to hold you over I suggest you check out his CD Bars 2 via this link à http://www.hotnewhiphop.com/c-metro-bars-2-mixtape.91151.html


You can also follow him on twitter: @cmetrobruh

It was honestly such a great experience to interview this talented young man and I look forward to what he has in store for us in days to come!! XOXO

Thursday, August 15, 2013

What Would You March For?

      In the spirit of the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington, interns with the National Urban League  (one of which happens to be my friend Tyler Breland) made a video asking a few questions about pressing issues which challenge the Black community to do a reality check. After watching this video, I urge you all to ask the same things. As an English education major who has a passion for equality, I would march for equal footing in the classroom, especially when it comes to our Black boys. I would march for teachers' rights to expand outside of preparation for testing and tailor their curriculum to meet the needs of their students. I would also march for an increase in programs that offer clearance of mind to youth who live in areas where contentment with being static is status quo.

Even though I won't be in attendance *sad face*, I do look forward to the stories that I'll hear from the friends who will be there.

Enjoy!

  

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

The "Rehearsal Chick"

I read: "Men have Rehearsal Chicks." 

Naturally, I read on because I had never read anything like this before.


"They aren't side hoes, they aren't jump offs; these are girls they meet and treat like their real girlfriends but never give the title." 


I could've stopped right there but I read on, mainly because we had consistently agreed that we were "friends", "working towards a relationship." 

I then read: "This is practice for his potential soul mate. Their Main chicks won't be easy to f*ck so why put the focus on p*ssy." 


At this moment, I'm dying a little inside. While it is true that I have never had sex with any of the men I had put in the running for contenders as my boyfriend, there was still intimate stuff shared that I had never shared with anyone, and in my mind that is equivalent to allowing someone to caress my soul....because trusting someone enough to invite them to the inner depths of me, was doing just that.


"Women can be used for more than just their vagina."


I said, "If she's talking about money, I ain't got none of that. I'm a 20 year old BROKE college student, so what in the world can I POSSIBLY be used for?" I then read on...

"Men can't come out and cry on each others shoulder's cause simp behavior is not accepted."

"So they move on to the next female they meet to get over the last."
"They rehearse with the new girl because honestly they aren't ready to give her the title of girlfriend."
"Eventually that rehearsal chick will gain his trust and his heart will heal enough to be in a relationship again."
"But more times than not, it won't be with the girl that helped him get over his ex."
"Men appreciate the nursing back to full strength but once those Danger Room exercises are complete, it's on to a main chick."
"You love him he's your boo aww how cute! Accept it, he chose another b*tch over you!"

At this point my bottom jaw has been on the ground for close to two or three minutes. I just go on ahead and grab that shoe because that sh*t fit perfectly! For close to a year, I had told myself that I was "The Trainer" because I would be so kind and gentle and patient with these broken men and then they move on, never asking if I would do them the honor of being their girlfriend or anything. In all of my 20 years, I have never even had the courtesy of being taken on a date even though I had put so much energy and effort into them. But this woman, Mimi Larrieux, had put a real title to what I was going through and even though it hurt my feelings, it was that OG wisdom that makes you wanna do better and be better because you are no longer blind to reality. 


The thing I must focus on now is my change in action. How in the world am I going to make sure this never happens again? I know I am more than deserving to be someone's significant other and there are plenty of men who would be more than happy to place me on that pedestal with no qualms. It's just unfortunate that I have had run-ins with men who didn't believe that. Do I mask my beautiful spirit that seems to seep through my pores even when I put on my hardest grimace? Or do I just become like everyone else and develop trust issues and expect the nexts to use me as a Bob the Builder for the Soul just as the lasts? 


I'm just kidding, I'm naturally loving and trusting so that would probably work for like two weeks *laughs*.


Gosh y'all...I don't know. 


The beautiful thing about life though, is that it is continuously teaching us and granting us wisdom while we live it. I have learned from MY mistake, will continue to build myself back up and keep it moving the best I know how, because honestly, that's all I can do. 

As always feel free to leave any comments, suggestions and questions below or email me at emynee.garrett@gmail.com! I love interacting with my readers!XOXO

And PLEASE go follow the woman who acted as life's teacher and is the inspiration behind this #BellePost @MIMI_LARRIEUX on Twitter!


Saturday, July 20, 2013

Too Attached??

"Rule #1: Don't get too attached."

That's the problem with this generation. We live in a world where things come easy, so there is no knowledge on or ability to fight when faced with losing the one you care for because you were careful not to get...."too attached." Like really, I need help with this. Why are you focused on the pain of losing that person so much that you allow yourself to keep your distance emotionally. How can you possibly call yourself loving someone and giving 1001% when you don't even trust yourself enough to invest in this person and  place your pride to the side to give all you've got? That really makes me wonder if people even understand what receiving and giving real love feels like since they are afraid of getting "attached." There has to come a point in our lives where we rid ourselves of that ignorant mentality and stop being afraid and give that once in a lifetime person our everything...starting with our vulnerability.

Yes, we will get hurt but that comes with this crazy, crazy love game. The beautiful thing about that though is, it makes us stronger and feeds us the necessary wisdom to move forward in the search for our King or Queen.XOXO