I'll Wait.....Some More

First off, let me apologize. I often forget I have readers and neglect to write when I know I should be. With that being said, let me catch you all up on the things that have been going on in my life and offer the wisdom and lessons learned that I always do.

The last time you all heard about my personal life, I had been dumped by a guy who I just knew I was going to spend my life, or at least, several years with. Even though I was hurting, I used the time between the breakup and the day I moved back on campus to do some introspection and get myself together for the next man that God decided He wanted to place in my life....and I was successful. I came to school at peace and was ready to conquer my junior year of college and live my life happily single while experiencing the love that only God could provide. My first night on campus, I was preparing to go to a party on campus with my sister to scope out all of the freshmen and understand their vibe. I'm in the mirror putting on my mascara when my phone rings, and guess who it is....the guy who several weeks earlier had kicked me to the curb. I contemplated answering the phone for a few seconds but I finally did, thinking that he was drunk or something. I answered the phone confused and he was just talking to me like everything was okay and finally, I brought up the ever burning issue of why in the world he was calling me. I don't quite remember what he said verbatim, but it was somewhere along the lines of "I was just thinking about you". He said some other things about his knowledge of him f**king up and I could only agree. I told him that I would've respected him a lot more if he told me that he wanted to end what we had instead of saying that he "needed a break from us", knowing good and well he had no initial intentions of ever coming back to me. He said he understood and the conversation kept moving, and the conversation ended with, "Well, I'm about to go into this party...as always it's good talking to you. Good night." After we hung up, I couldn't help but tell my sister about the conversation, even though she could hardly hear me over the DJs horrible line-up. She simply brushed it off, as she doesn't like him....never has and never will. 

The next day, I got another call from him and it surprised me, as I simply thought he was calling to check to see if I was still alive the night before. We talked for HOURS like old times and immediately those feelings from before were kicked back up a little. I realized that I missed his country grammar, his soft voice and the way he makes me laugh, but I decided to ignore it because I knew we were simply catching up as friends. 

After a while, I realized that he wanted to be more than friends again so let myself fall for him once again. My suspicions of his feelings were met when he went through this app where anonymous people can ask you questions and told me that he liked me but he didn't know if I wanted to try again. I responded with "you never know if you don't ask". At this point, I didn't know who this was, but if they were serious, they'd keep asking questions. He then said that I didn't know who it was and I told him that I didn't and to tell me. He then said "oh well." I then knew who it was because only he says that to me. I responded with telling him that I don't play the guessing game anyway and that he could've called or sent me a text message like an adult but....oh well. He then said "true". There is no other man on this planet who responds to me in conversation with true but him so I told him that I knew exactly who it was and my guess was correct. It still took an entire weekend to get out of him whether or not he was serious but he was and we began trying to patch things up in late September. We would talk about the future and all of that good stuff and tell each other everything because we were more than potential spouses, we were best friends. 

Now to the part where I get dumped........again lol smh. The other night we were on the phone and he says "what's up" to me and I'm like "huh?" He says, "have you ever been texting someone and then say what you were texting?" I say, "No, because I don't text people when I'm on the phone with you" and that was the end of that conversation. He then says in a joking manner, "I'm only talking to you, but that's what everybody says." I respond, "Well, when I say that, I'm telling the truth." I was thinking to myself that he should know this by now. He said, "Well, I text other people but I already told you that." Immediately my heart drops and I tell him that I'm going to sleep. I don't hear anything over the phone so I'm saying "Hello?" repeatedly and then the phone disconnects. He texts me "Lol wow" and I text back "What? You hung up on me" and he responds with "No" so I immediately call him back. He said, "You said you were going to sleep?" and I told him I was and he says "oh well." I asked him what he said that for and he said nothing and told me that he was going to sleep too. We said our good nights and I text him that my feelings were just hurt and he asked why I felt that way and asked if I really did hang up. I told him that it was because I forget sometimes that he's not mine and that like I said before I didn't hang up on him. He responds with "Iight" and I asked him what that means and he said "nothing goodnight". Immediately I'm confused at why he's upset because clearly I'm the one who should feel played. I don't hear from him the next morning which was unusual because we usually talk things through the next day. I take it upon myself to to text him and he is extremely curt with me. I told him that clearly he wasn't feeling me that day and good luck on his paper, which I was helping him on the night before. He says "ok thanks". I don't hear from him that entire night in to the next morning. Again, I text him saying that I'm not sure where his head is at, but I miss hearing his voice and would like to talk to him soon. A few minutes later, he texts me saying that he doesn't want a relationship and he has a lot on his plate and he doesn't want me to think that he's playing me and he has to ease up because he doesn't want me in my feelings. Naturally, I'm confused because a day or two previous to that, he was talking about him wanting a relationship with me and actually taking the steps to achieve that. I told him that I was afraid he was going to leave me hanging again, but you live and learn and as always I want nothing but happiness for him. He responds with "wow ok." In my mind, I'm wondering why he's wow-ing because he's the one who kicked me to the curb (once again) via text. I guess he got his feelings hurt because he twisted up my words all types of ways, saying that I never intended on him being my last and how he was simply a lesson. *insert straight face* People......I never said any of this! That was basically the end of that conversation. Keep in mind, that this conversation was all during my field experience in a high school classroom. My eyes got a little wet, but I played it off by yawning, I couldn't go down like that.....I'm a straight G. As soon as I got back to my room, I popped open a big can of select beverage and cried to Ali (thank God she was in my room printing off an application). I told her that it wasn't fair to be simply an option to someone who I had made my only choice and how I was completely done with men and how I didn't want to be bothered by any of them, I even went so far as to telling her to delete his number out of my phone and un-friending him on Facebook lol. I was in the midst of deleting this guy out of my life forever!(in the midst of my fiery temper tantrum he sent me a text saying that he believes that God has someone special for me.) I got into the bed and went to sleep after I posted a few comical tweets and one that outlined the difficulty of being a naturally loving, caring and emotionally open person. I layed in my bed and just cried, cried, cried like a big baby because I was just so sick of everything. I asked myself over and over again why I allowed myself to be just a great woman to men who didn't even have the common courtesy to pick the phone up and kick me to the curb. I asked God why in the world he made me with such a huge heart and then allowed me to attract these...guys. I told him that I was sick of these dudes that feel like they can simply walk in and out of my life and sick of going through the same thing but with a different face. I was outright pitiful, but in the middle of my "pitifulness", I told God that I would wait for whoever He has for me, because this getting my feelings hurt business, was NOT for your girl. 

He called later that night because he had an issue with something I said on Twitter, we argued a little bit more and we haven't spoken since....

So here's where the wisdom and advice part comes in.....

Patience is key! What I have to tell myself is that even though I haven't been in a serious relationship or even been on my first date, that those things WILL COME! I am only twenty years old and while I am focused on being sought out by the man who God placed on this earth especially for me, I should enjoy the time I have as a single young woman and use it to grow even more. While it is easy for me to say that I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life, I know that's not true. God put me (and YOU) on this earth to be a force and the reason why a man wakes up every morning and decides to make good choices. Do you understand that one day, a man will walk up to you already set in his mind that you are going to be his wife? Do you realize that you will be the reason why a man decides to grow and become better with each day? Do you realize that there is a man somewhere in this world who would (without a second thought) give his life for you, just as God's only Son? Let that simmer for a bit......

Don't get discouraged by these "knuckleheads who are fake a**holes most of the time and don't even know if they're on the DL or not" as my dad would say. Be encouraged because you have always been on this earth for a man to love and cherish whole-heartedly and NOT only when he feels. Even though you may not come across him in the next month, or even year your patience and "struggles" in love will be rewarded and you'll wonder how in the world you lucked up with a man so beautiful.

As always, feel free to leave comments, questions and suggestions below! I always respond!XOXO

C.Metro....Bruh

Anyone who knows me understands that I respect those who are out here using their talents to make it in life, so when I saw this guy by the name of C. Metro constantly promoting himself via Twitter, I couldn't help but pay attention.  He was different from the other self-promoting rappers who would pop up in your DMs with some generic pre-written BS saying “Thanks for the follow. Check out my new single “Booty Meat and Cigarillos” on YouTube.” On top of that, he attended University of South Carolina – Aiken, a university not too far from my own.  So, when he shot me a direct message the other day asking me to promote for him, I took it as an opportunity to not only compliment his talent, but ask for an interview since I admired his drive and ambition.  He told me he would be down for it ASAP and needless to say, I got super excited because I KNEW for a FACT he was going somewhere, my “successful man senses” were tingling  and I have NEVER been wrong *laughs*. As a matter of fact, three days after our interview, he earned himself a record deal with State House Records.

Since I am car-less and jobless, I figured the best way to go about the interview was via Oovoo and after witnessing his easiness on the eyes, charm and humor, I was beyond happy I was NOT to be in his presence. 

The first question I asked him was what his real name was. The future educator in me just refuses to call people by their nicknames, shortened names, or in his case, stage name so I thought it only appropriate to ask. He said, “Leo Jones” and I asked how to spell it since my name is pronounced ‘Imani’ but spelled ‘Emynee.’ He laughed a little and told me that he doesn't think that there’s any other way to spell it.

I then asked where he was from, since I know a lot of artists pull inspiration from where they originate. He said he was born in Texas, but he has lived in Columbia, SC for the last 15 or 16 and I’m guessing it would be safe to say that that is where the inspiration for his stage name comes from.

I listened to his CD, Bars 2 (which I will put up the link to at the bottom of the post) and was really impressed by it, I did not skip one song and that is rare for me to do….especially when it comes to rap. I found that the songs I enjoyed most were “Bed of Roses” and “Once Again” since they had an R&B tip to them. When I told him this, he smiled a little bit and told me that he likes R&B as well. He felt as though he was holding back his lyrical ability though, so he decided to make that CD. On both of the tracks, a singer by the name of Quez was featured, so naturally I asked how the two met. He told me that he had known him since the time around his freshman year of high school but he had passed away. I didn’t want to go into too much detail because I know how I am when it comes to loved ones passing, so I moved on to my next question. 

With the whole uproar that surrounded Kendrick Lamar’s verse in one of the songs he was featured in, I thought it would be interesting to hear his thoughts on the state of the rap game today. Very honestly, the self-proclaimed genius told me that he couldn’t speak on the game as a whole, but locally (as in South Carolina) he said that the game is not where it needs to be. He stated that he doesn’t like collaborating because rappers here do not work hard and they do not take rapping seriously.  I then asked him what separates him from other artists. Since he clearly stated that he was a hard worker with his previous question, I asked if it was his work ethic that separated him from the rest. He said that he was his biggest critic. He said that he doesn’t like sleeping because he feels as though he’ll be missing out on something. He told me that he could have an 8AM class but stay up all night perfecting his craft.

I asked who influenced his style and he said that nobody influenced his style. If he could compare himself to other rappers, it doesn’t make him an artist. He moved on to telling me that he switches up his style a lot and that he studies Biggie Smalls’s flow as well as Lil Wayne’s. I could not help but smile since that mentality, the willingness to not only be a student to your craft but go further and become a trailblazer, is what makes the greats, greater. 

After dealing with a technical difficulty that had me running up and down the hallways for another computer (thanks for your patience by the way), I continued the interview by asking what he felt was the highest or most successful point in his career this far. He told me that this past summer as a whole was the highest point. He said that he works by himself, since he is worrisome about hiring help, but still managed to get shows everywhere – in Georgia, Columbia, Charleston…basically all over South Carolina. The second to last question I asked was who he would like to work with in the future and right off the bat he said Kendrick Lamar, he also said he would like to work with Future as well, stating “Everything he touches goes; he just doesn’t rap, he’s smart with it.” He told me that he would never want to work with anyone like 2Chainz because he raps dumb for someone who graduated college with a 4.0 GPA.

To close the interview I asked him if he would like to give any shout outs and they go as follows:

The Dogg Pound in Greenwood, South Carolina – (“Ay, girl what you know about the Dogg Pound??” ß He told me to add this lol) He said that these men are like brothers to him and keep him level headed.

His cousin Carlos Dubois who attends my university, Claflin University

His cousin Marquis Jones, who is #27 on South Carolina State University’s football team

Last but not least, his roommate Vincent at USCA

At the end of the interview he told me to tell y’all other things about him. He said that he is not a dumb rapper. He is on the Dean’s List and he also enjoys drinking beer. Clearly, he has a great sense of humor. *laughs*

Anyway, C.Metro also has a mixtape coming out soon which will probably drop within the next month, but to hold you over I suggest you check out his CD Bars 2 via this link à http://www.hotnewhiphop.com/c-metro-bars-2-mixtape.91151.html

You can also follow him on twitter: @cmetrobruh

It was honestly such a great experience to interview this talented young man and I look forward to what he has in store for us in days to come!! XOXO

What Would You March For?

      In the spirit of the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington, interns with the National Urban League  (one of which happens to be my friend Tyler Breland) made a video asking a few questions about pressing issues which challenge the Black community to do a reality check. After watching this video, I urge you all to ask the same things. As an English education major who has a passion for equality, I would march for equal footing in the classroom, especially when it comes to our Black boys. I would march for teachers' rights to expand outside of preparation for testing and tailor their curriculum to meet the needs of their students. I would also march for an increase in programs that offer clearance of mind to youth who live in areas where contentment with being static is status quo.

Even though I won't be in attendance *sad face*, I do look forward to the stories that I'll hear from the friends who will be there.

Enjoy!

  

The "Rehearsal Chick"

I read: "Men have Rehearsal Chicks." 

Naturally, I read on because I had never read anything like this before.

"They aren't side hoes, they aren't jump offs; these are girls they meet and treat like their real girlfriends but never give the title." 

I could've stopped right there but I read on, mainly because we had consistently agreed that we were "friends", "working towards a relationship." 

I then read: "This is practice for his potential soul mate. Their Main chicks won't be easy to f*ck so why put the focus on p*ssy." 

At this moment, I'm dying a little inside. While it is true that I have never had sex with any of the men I had put in the running for contenders as my boyfriend, there was still intimate stuff shared that I had never shared with anyone, and in my mind that is equivalent to allowing someone to caress my soul....because trusting someone enough to invite them to the inner depths of me, was doing just that.

"Women can be used for more than just their vagina."

I said, "If she's talking about money, I ain't got none of that. I'm a 20 year old BROKE college student, so what in the world can I POSSIBLY be used for?" I then read on...

"Men can't come out and cry on each others shoulder's cause simp behavior is not accepted."
"So they move on to the next female they meet to get over the last."
"They rehearse with the new girl because honestly they aren't ready to give her the title of girlfriend."
"Eventually that rehearsal chick will gain his trust and his heart will heal enough to be in a relationship again."
"But more times than not, it won't be with the girl that helped him get over his ex."
"Men appreciate the nursing back to full strength but once those Danger Room exercises are complete, it's on to a main chick."
"You love him he's your boo aww how cute! Accept it, he chose another b*tch over you!"

At this point my bottom jaw has been on the ground for close to two or three minutes. I just go on ahead and grab that shoe because that sh*t fit perfectly! For close to a year, I had told myself that I was "The Trainer" because I would be so kind and gentle and patient with these broken men and then they move on, never asking if I would do them the honor of being their girlfriend or anything. In all of my 20 years, I have never even had the courtesy of being taken on a date even though I had put so much energy and effort into them. But this woman, Mimi Larrieux, had put a real title to what I was going through and even though it hurt my feelings, it was that OG wisdom that makes you wanna do better and be better because you are no longer blind to reality. 

The thing I must focus on now is my change in action. How in the world am I going to make sure this never happens again? I know I am more than deserving to be someone's significant other and there are plenty of men who would be more than happy to place me on that pedestal with no qualms. It's just unfortunate that I have had run-ins with men who didn't believe that. Do I mask my beautiful spirit that seems to seep through my pores even when I put on my hardest grimace? Or do I just become like everyone else and develop trust issues and expect the nexts to use me as a Bob the Builder for the Soul just as the lasts? 

I'm just kidding, I'm naturally loving and trusting so that would probably work for like two weeks *laughs*.

Gosh y'all...I don't know. 

The beautiful thing about life though, is that it is continuously teaching us and granting us wisdom while we live it. I have learned from MY mistake, will continue to build myself back up and keep it moving the best I know how, because honestly, that's all I can do. 
As always feel free to leave any comments, suggestions and questions below or email me at emynee.garrett@gmail.com! I love interacting with my readers!XOXO

And PLEASE go follow the woman who acted as life's teacher and is the inspiration behind this #BellePost @MIMI_LARRIEUX on Twitter!

Too Attached??

"Rule #1: Don't get too attached."

That's the problem with this generation. We live in a world where things come easy, so there is no knowledge on or ability to fight when faced with losing the one you care for because you were careful not to get...."too attached." Like really, I need help with this. Why are you focused on the pain of losing that person so much that you allow yourself to keep your distance emotionally. How can you possibly call yourself loving someone and giving 1001% when you don't even trust yourself enough to invest in this person and  place your pride to the side to give all you've got? That really makes me wonder if people even understand what receiving and giving real love feels like since they are afraid of getting "attached." There has to come a point in our lives where we rid ourselves of that ignorant mentality and stop being afraid and give that once in a lifetime person our everything...starting with our vulnerability.

Yes, we will get hurt but that comes with this crazy, crazy love game. The beautiful thing about that though is, it makes us stronger and feeds us the necessary wisdom to move forward in the search for our King or Queen.XOXO

Words of Wisdom

As I lied on my bed face down wallowing in sorrow over yet another one of life's mishaps my mother came into the room and said: "When you learn, teach and when you get, give." At first, I didn't want to hear it because the idea of simply being pitiful sounded so much better than trying to learn a lesson out of the current situation and formulating a way to teach it to future generations in some way, shape or form. After a few minutes, I sat up and said "D*mn, she's right" and decided that I would dedicate a week to gaining wisdom and learning lessons out of life's unfortunate events. In the spirit of  "learning and teaching," I'll share what I've been presented with. It's also a mix of random thoughts, so just bear with me...

The first set of lessons comes for this book that I started then stopped because I couldn't handle it. It talked about love and relationship repeaters and if you've read any of my blog you understand that.........just no. I can dish out advice like a pro and have people wanting to marry each other, but when it comes down to me??? No. Being very passionate and impatient at the same time is not a very good mix but I am getting better so all hope is not lost.

1) Most of the time we see ourselves as helpless when it comes to our behavior. We can't see that we actively seek out the very things that are bad for us. Things don't simply happen to us...we make them happen.

2) If you consider yourself a great catch, you should EXPECT a world-class knockout to be interested in you--you shouldn't be surprised.

3) Since we attract what we put out, the people you choose to be in your life are your reflection. If you don't like what you see, I suggest you do some introspection and do something different.

The second lesson comes from the movie The Secret which my mother suggested I watch after a long conversation that ended with me not being able to fully answer "What does happy look like to you?"

1) The secret to success and getting all you ever wanted in life is the law of attraction. That is all you need to know, I promise y'all. Focus your energy on being positive and calling out into the universe "I can, I will, I shall, I want" instead of "I can't, I'll never, b*tchin and moanin blah blah blah" and watch what the universe brings back to you. Every morning put positive energy into the atmosphere and watch how well your day goes. If you want that "A" put it out into the universe and gradually you'll be put in place to get that grade. If you're finally ready for your soul mate and want him or her in your life, put it into the universe and watch you all strike up the most random conversation about monkeys or something.

After a little bout on a social networking site, I had to come to terms with things I had to come to terms with those lessons I had learned but chosen to compromise

1) People will treat you how you allow them to.
2) It is your life, so you don't have to explain a thing to anybody.
3) Only you choose the quality of life that you live. You can't blame a thing on anyone else.
4) Men are hunters by nature, so if he decides to come back around a second time, (which they ALWAYS do IF you are unique) make him earn that spot again (if you still want him). "Prey" doesn't simply hop into a net. Queens can't just be going around, making their love easy to get and if he's a King he'll work happily for you because he understands that you are worth it and so much more.
5) He is not him so you can't make him responsible for the mistakes of your "hes." You have to forgive and understand that trust issues can really mess up a good thing.


Hopefully, this helped someone...but as always if you have any questions or comments feel free to do so below.XOXO

Late Night Thoughts

      I know it's entirely too late to be up but I couldn't sleep because I have way too much weighing on my brain. So, I guess I'll write until what's left of my battery wears off.

     As I sit here in the dark, I'm thinking about my roommate and how loud this d*mn television is, and wondering why it's on Disney Channel. I'm thinking about whether or not I'll wake up in the morning with a backache from this unfortunate excuse for a mattress. I'm also thinking about how I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I decided to hand Sunshine my heart after convincing myself that I had his. Sometimes, I wonder to myself who in the world hurt this man and caused him to be, at times, distrusting and unsure of my feelings for him. Forever wondering if he's the only one and conjuring up these ideas that I have these "boos" lined up at my feet. *laughs to self* Shoot, whoever he's talking about needs to introduce themselves because a sistahs pockets be strugglin! But for real, I feel like that in part is why I cannot love him beyond that "I have feelings for you" level. I can't stand the thought of loving someone, with the depth that I love, and continuously be questioned. He's such a beautiful person and I would NEVER do anything to hurt him because I know how it feels. It has to be the worst feeling in the world. I remember the first time I got my heart broken I would come back to my room everyday after class for two weeks and just cry, wondering why I wasn't good enough and why he couldn't care for me the same way I cared for him. After about a month (or two lol) I looked myself in the mirror and told myself that any man would be beyond blessed to have me. I knew better than to be crying over some anti-social self-proclaimed a**hole who was probably cooped up in his room playing video games all day and not thinking about me at all. I then did my Beyonce shrug, flipped my bang (since I have short hair) and said, "Oh well, his loss."  Soon after, Sunshine came along and made me so happy. You could even see it in my face.

     Maybe we're just at a rough patch though and just need some elbow grease and communication to get through. I'm still learning what genuineness and persistence look and feel like since I haven't had the best examples in my life. I'm a born fighter and don't want to give up, even though I feel like throwing in the towel is sometimes the only thing that you can really do.  I don't know....but we'll see soon enough. Wish me the  best...XOXO

Scared of Genuine

Y'all.......I am so scared and I have no clue what to do. It's like I have the choice whether to move forward or move backwards but I choose to stay in this same spot because it is comfortable. It is familiar. It won't leave me hurt and saying "f*ck dese n*ggas!" It is where I placed myself after I learned that loving too hard was a flaw that no matter how much it is bleached, dyed, Ajax-ed and Oxy Clean-ed, is going to uncomfortably remain there. Let me explain:

In February I ran across this guy on Facebook, well, actually he ran across me. We messaged each other back and forth a couple of times, and he gave me his number telling me that I could hit him up if I wanted to. Usually, I don't do that type of stuff but y'all have to understand how this man looks! He has to be the image of God himself, but I would never tell him that. I could admire his face all day, memorizing every detail until I've mastered it and start all over again. It's serious. Anyway, I decided to text him that night and told him that he should put my number to good use. He said "h*ll yeah" and the rest is history. The next day, we spent  8 hours on the phone laughing, talking about life and a series of other things. I was absolutely sold because he reminded me of all the best parts of my dad and as women, that is our Kryptonite. From that point, we spoke everyday from sun up to sundown, never allowing a bland moment. Personally, his attention made me a little bit uncomfortable because I was so used to lacking communication in every situation I had ever been in--almost to the point I would get slightly irritated because he was on a mission to get to know who I actually was. Crazy, right? But when you're accustomed to a specific type of treatment, anything outside of that box either brings a positive or negative reaction. Fortunately, I got used to his showers of attention and realized that that's what you do when you call yourself genuinely interested in someone. Before I knew it, three months had passed and here we are. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, times where we've wanted to  catch up the other by the neck or call it quits but we stuck it out. He shows me what it feels like to have the care you give reciprocated and I needed that. Shoot, I think he may have the privilege of being called my boyfriend one day. A title that no one has had the honor of earning for over a year now.

So, today we were talking on the phone as usual (about butts) and under his breath he said "I love you." Being the awkward person that I am I said "Huh? Whatchu say?" to come up with some time to gather my thoughts and/or something really witty to say, but I could come up with absolutely nothing. He then said, "I like you." I could vibe with that so I said it back because I really do. He then repeated the first phrase again and I hit him with the "Huh? Whatchu say?" once again because I wasn't sure what else to say. He then said, "You heard what I said" and I quickly changed the subject. I was so scared y'all because that was the first time anyone had ever said anything like that to me. I know I am more than deserving of being loved by a man who says and shows that he doesn't want to lose me but I am so scared of being hurt and being driven to the point where I completely give up on men. The truth is, I love him too...but more like a really really good friend. I would do almost anything for him and he knows that, but because I have not had the pleasure of taking in his manly essence wholly and completely I cannot love him the way I would like to love him. Even further than that, I have trust issues. Not to the point where I would go through his phone or anything like that but enough to the point where I think he's gonna turn around and completely stop talking to me because he needs to "find himself" or because "I am too good for him and I need to go out and get a man who deserves what I have to offer." You know, drop one of those "it's not you, it's me" lines that seem to be the thing to say when they are constantly running around in their brains trying to figure out an excuse for their irrational behavior.

This man, has taken possession of my mind and that puts me in a dangerous spot because once a man has your mind, everything slowly but surely follows. He has a lot of my heart too, much more than I wish to disclose upon. I think maybe I'll stop being a little punk and go ahead and give him the rest because I think he deserves it. Who knows, I could really be missing out on something by letting my past experiences mess up what could be my future.

Personal Hygiene

     So, instead of doing the usual post, I decided to record a video mainly because it's an extensive topic and because I want to add a bit of variety to my blog. It is mandatory that as ladies we keep ourselves up. If we don't care for ourselves, nobody else will! Enjoy! (Note: I misspelled hygiene...but you know what I mean...)

Know Your Worth

I have a tendency to address the ladies whenever I publish a post, but unfortunately (but oh so fortunately) I am a female who goes through female things, so I can't help but to write things that are on the feminine tip. I think this post will be a bit a different though, since it is something that everyone has been through at one point or another in their lives. Whether it be in friendships, intimate relationships or even relationships with parents all of us have had challenges with realizing our worth.

I can't describe how important it is to know your worth! Knowing your worth prevents you from taking a lot of BS that someone who sees themselves as average would take. Unfortunately, sometimes in love we overlook our own happiness to deal with treatment that we know we are not worthy of. We remove our crowns in order to deal with a peasant who we just know with every fiber of our being, will be good enough to wholly and completely call themselves ours one day. As bad as it sounds, you have to give up on folks sometimes, simply because they will never know your worth. They will never give you what you want. In some cases, they do know your worth, they just refuse to show you your worth because you've dealt with their stomach wrenching behavior for so long. They just figure that you're not going anywhere no matter how bad you treat them. Sometimes, we want to to be wanted so bad that we lower our standards just so that we can be okay. In reality, all we are doing in hurting ourselves and in a way deceiving them by pretending to be okay with what they are handing us, when we're really not. The crazy thing is, once we finally decide to outline our expectations, we are all of a sudden "trippin" and they take it upon themselves to drop us. When you get done moaning, and groaning and declaring that the world must be coming to an end, step back and evaluate the situation. What did you really lose? "Side chick" or "second hand" treatment? Confusion? Feelings of never being good enough? Oh. Okay. I thought so. They did you a favor, trust me on this, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll come to terms with the fact that they were just a disgusting clog that was standing in the way of someone who actually is above and beyond your expectations.

What everyone needs to learn how to do and something that I am slowly but surely working on, is learning how to express needs and wants initially. Going about relationships (and life in general) in that manner will leave very little room for mess ups. It will allow you to cut people off with the knowledge that they did not live up to what you laid out in from of them in the first place. Yes, it's a bit cut throat but it is such a liberating feeling to know that you knew your worth and refused to take the scraps they were offering.

As always, if you have any additional comments or questions or if you don't agree with what I have written feel free to let me know. Enlightenment is always welcome...XOXO