Too Attached??

"Rule #1: Don't get too attached."

That's the problem with this generation. We live in a world where things come easy, so there is no knowledge on or ability to fight when faced with losing the one you care for because you were careful not to get...."too attached." Like really, I need help with this. Why are you focused on the pain of losing that person so much that you allow yourself to keep your distance emotionally. How can you possibly call yourself loving someone and giving 1001% when you don't even trust yourself enough to invest in this person and  place your pride to the side to give all you've got? That really makes me wonder if people even understand what receiving and giving real love feels like since they are afraid of getting "attached." There has to come a point in our lives where we rid ourselves of that ignorant mentality and stop being afraid and give that once in a lifetime person our everything...starting with our vulnerability.

Yes, we will get hurt but that comes with this crazy, crazy love game. The beautiful thing about that though is, it makes us stronger and feeds us the necessary wisdom to move forward in the search for our King or Queen.XOXO

Words of Wisdom

As I lied on my bed face down wallowing in sorrow over yet another one of life's mishaps my mother came into the room and said: "When you learn, teach and when you get, give." At first, I didn't want to hear it because the idea of simply being pitiful sounded so much better than trying to learn a lesson out of the current situation and formulating a way to teach it to future generations in some way, shape or form. After a few minutes, I sat up and said "D*mn, she's right" and decided that I would dedicate a week to gaining wisdom and learning lessons out of life's unfortunate events. In the spirit of  "learning and teaching," I'll share what I've been presented with. It's also a mix of random thoughts, so just bear with me...

The first set of lessons comes for this book that I started then stopped because I couldn't handle it. It talked about love and relationship repeaters and if you've read any of my blog you understand that.........just no. I can dish out advice like a pro and have people wanting to marry each other, but when it comes down to me??? No. Being very passionate and impatient at the same time is not a very good mix but I am getting better so all hope is not lost.

1) Most of the time we see ourselves as helpless when it comes to our behavior. We can't see that we actively seek out the very things that are bad for us. Things don't simply happen to us...we make them happen.

2) If you consider yourself a great catch, you should EXPECT a world-class knockout to be interested in you--you shouldn't be surprised.

3) Since we attract what we put out, the people you choose to be in your life are your reflection. If you don't like what you see, I suggest you do some introspection and do something different.

The second lesson comes from the movie The Secret which my mother suggested I watch after a long conversation that ended with me not being able to fully answer "What does happy look like to you?"

1) The secret to success and getting all you ever wanted in life is the law of attraction. That is all you need to know, I promise y'all. Focus your energy on being positive and calling out into the universe "I can, I will, I shall, I want" instead of "I can't, I'll never, b*tchin and moanin blah blah blah" and watch what the universe brings back to you. Every morning put positive energy into the atmosphere and watch how well your day goes. If you want that "A" put it out into the universe and gradually you'll be put in place to get that grade. If you're finally ready for your soul mate and want him or her in your life, put it into the universe and watch you all strike up the most random conversation about monkeys or something.

After a little bout on a social networking site, I had to come to terms with things I had to come to terms with those lessons I had learned but chosen to compromise

1) People will treat you how you allow them to.
2) It is your life, so you don't have to explain a thing to anybody.
3) Only you choose the quality of life that you live. You can't blame a thing on anyone else.
4) Men are hunters by nature, so if he decides to come back around a second time, (which they ALWAYS do IF you are unique) make him earn that spot again (if you still want him). "Prey" doesn't simply hop into a net. Queens can't just be going around, making their love easy to get and if he's a King he'll work happily for you because he understands that you are worth it and so much more.
5) He is not him so you can't make him responsible for the mistakes of your "hes." You have to forgive and understand that trust issues can really mess up a good thing.


Hopefully, this helped someone...but as always if you have any questions or comments feel free to do so below.XOXO

Late Night Thoughts

      I know it's entirely too late to be up but I couldn't sleep because I have way too much weighing on my brain. So, I guess I'll write until what's left of my battery wears off.

     As I sit here in the dark, I'm thinking about my roommate and how loud this d*mn television is, and wondering why it's on Disney Channel. I'm thinking about whether or not I'll wake up in the morning with a backache from this unfortunate excuse for a mattress. I'm also thinking about how I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I decided to hand Sunshine my heart after convincing myself that I had his. Sometimes, I wonder to myself who in the world hurt this man and caused him to be, at times, distrusting and unsure of my feelings for him. Forever wondering if he's the only one and conjuring up these ideas that I have these "boos" lined up at my feet. *laughs to self* Shoot, whoever he's talking about needs to introduce themselves because a sistahs pockets be strugglin! But for real, I feel like that in part is why I cannot love him beyond that "I have feelings for you" level. I can't stand the thought of loving someone, with the depth that I love, and continuously be questioned. He's such a beautiful person and I would NEVER do anything to hurt him because I know how it feels. It has to be the worst feeling in the world. I remember the first time I got my heart broken I would come back to my room everyday after class for two weeks and just cry, wondering why I wasn't good enough and why he couldn't care for me the same way I cared for him. After about a month (or two lol) I looked myself in the mirror and told myself that any man would be beyond blessed to have me. I knew better than to be crying over some anti-social self-proclaimed a**hole who was probably cooped up in his room playing video games all day and not thinking about me at all. I then did my Beyonce shrug, flipped my bang (since I have short hair) and said, "Oh well, his loss."  Soon after, Sunshine came along and made me so happy. You could even see it in my face.

     Maybe we're just at a rough patch though and just need some elbow grease and communication to get through. I'm still learning what genuineness and persistence look and feel like since I haven't had the best examples in my life. I'm a born fighter and don't want to give up, even though I feel like throwing in the towel is sometimes the only thing that you can really do.  I don't know....but we'll see soon enough. Wish me the  best...XOXO

Scared of Genuine

Y'all.......I am so scared and I have no clue what to do. It's like I have the choice whether to move forward or move backwards but I choose to stay in this same spot because it is comfortable. It is familiar. It won't leave me hurt and saying "f*ck dese n*ggas!" It is where I placed myself after I learned that loving too hard was a flaw that no matter how much it is bleached, dyed, Ajax-ed and Oxy Clean-ed, is going to uncomfortably remain there. Let me explain:

In February I ran across this guy on Facebook, well, actually he ran across me. We messaged each other back and forth a couple of times, and he gave me his number telling me that I could hit him up if I wanted to. Usually, I don't do that type of stuff but y'all have to understand how this man looks! He has to be the image of God himself, but I would never tell him that. I could admire his face all day, memorizing every detail until I've mastered it and start all over again. It's serious. Anyway, I decided to text him that night and told him that he should put my number to good use. He said "h*ll yeah" and the rest is history. The next day, we spent  8 hours on the phone laughing, talking about life and a series of other things. I was absolutely sold because he reminded me of all the best parts of my dad and as women, that is our Kryptonite. From that point, we spoke everyday from sun up to sundown, never allowing a bland moment. Personally, his attention made me a little bit uncomfortable because I was so used to lacking communication in every situation I had ever been in--almost to the point I would get slightly irritated because he was on a mission to get to know who I actually was. Crazy, right? But when you're accustomed to a specific type of treatment, anything outside of that box either brings a positive or negative reaction. Fortunately, I got used to his showers of attention and realized that that's what you do when you call yourself genuinely interested in someone. Before I knew it, three months had passed and here we are. Yes, we've had our ups and downs, times where we've wanted to  catch up the other by the neck or call it quits but we stuck it out. He shows me what it feels like to have the care you give reciprocated and I needed that. Shoot, I think he may have the privilege of being called my boyfriend one day. A title that no one has had the honor of earning for over a year now.

So, today we were talking on the phone as usual (about butts) and under his breath he said "I love you." Being the awkward person that I am I said "Huh? Whatchu say?" to come up with some time to gather my thoughts and/or something really witty to say, but I could come up with absolutely nothing. He then said, "I like you." I could vibe with that so I said it back because I really do. He then repeated the first phrase again and I hit him with the "Huh? Whatchu say?" once again because I wasn't sure what else to say. He then said, "You heard what I said" and I quickly changed the subject. I was so scared y'all because that was the first time anyone had ever said anything like that to me. I know I am more than deserving of being loved by a man who says and shows that he doesn't want to lose me but I am so scared of being hurt and being driven to the point where I completely give up on men. The truth is, I love him too...but more like a really really good friend. I would do almost anything for him and he knows that, but because I have not had the pleasure of taking in his manly essence wholly and completely I cannot love him the way I would like to love him. Even further than that, I have trust issues. Not to the point where I would go through his phone or anything like that but enough to the point where I think he's gonna turn around and completely stop talking to me because he needs to "find himself" or because "I am too good for him and I need to go out and get a man who deserves what I have to offer." You know, drop one of those "it's not you, it's me" lines that seem to be the thing to say when they are constantly running around in their brains trying to figure out an excuse for their irrational behavior.

This man, has taken possession of my mind and that puts me in a dangerous spot because once a man has your mind, everything slowly but surely follows. He has a lot of my heart too, much more than I wish to disclose upon. I think maybe I'll stop being a little punk and go ahead and give him the rest because I think he deserves it. Who knows, I could really be missing out on something by letting my past experiences mess up what could be my future.

Personal Hygiene

     So, instead of doing the usual post, I decided to record a video mainly because it's an extensive topic and because I want to add a bit of variety to my blog. It is mandatory that as ladies we keep ourselves up. If we don't care for ourselves, nobody else will! Enjoy! (Note: I misspelled hygiene...but you know what I mean...)

Know Your Worth

I have a tendency to address the ladies whenever I publish a post, but unfortunately (but oh so fortunately) I am a female who goes through female things, so I can't help but to write things that are on the feminine tip. I think this post will be a bit a different though, since it is something that everyone has been through at one point or another in their lives. Whether it be in friendships, intimate relationships or even relationships with parents all of us have had challenges with realizing our worth.

I can't describe how important it is to know your worth! Knowing your worth prevents you from taking a lot of BS that someone who sees themselves as average would take. Unfortunately, sometimes in love we overlook our own happiness to deal with treatment that we know we are not worthy of. We remove our crowns in order to deal with a peasant who we just know with every fiber of our being, will be good enough to wholly and completely call themselves ours one day. As bad as it sounds, you have to give up on folks sometimes, simply because they will never know your worth. They will never give you what you want. In some cases, they do know your worth, they just refuse to show you your worth because you've dealt with their stomach wrenching behavior for so long. They just figure that you're not going anywhere no matter how bad you treat them. Sometimes, we want to to be wanted so bad that we lower our standards just so that we can be okay. In reality, all we are doing in hurting ourselves and in a way deceiving them by pretending to be okay with what they are handing us, when we're really not. The crazy thing is, once we finally decide to outline our expectations, we are all of a sudden "trippin" and they take it upon themselves to drop us. When you get done moaning, and groaning and declaring that the world must be coming to an end, step back and evaluate the situation. What did you really lose? "Side chick" or "second hand" treatment? Confusion? Feelings of never being good enough? Oh. Okay. I thought so. They did you a favor, trust me on this, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll come to terms with the fact that they were just a disgusting clog that was standing in the way of someone who actually is above and beyond your expectations.

What everyone needs to learn how to do and something that I am slowly but surely working on, is learning how to express needs and wants initially. Going about relationships (and life in general) in that manner will leave very little room for mess ups. It will allow you to cut people off with the knowledge that they did not live up to what you laid out in from of them in the first place. Yes, it's a bit cut throat but it is such a liberating feeling to know that you knew your worth and refused to take the scraps they were offering.

As always, if you have any additional comments or questions or if you don't agree with what I have written feel free to let me know. Enlightenment is always welcome...XOXO

Friends With My Ex??

   So, I know there are a lot of people out there who argue that you should never talk to your ex after you have agreed to go you all's separate ways, whether that agreement be consensual...or not so consensual. Personally, I believe that if you all were true friends then it's perfectly okay to talk to each other after you all are no longer in a relationship just as long as you both know your boundaries and of course the other person wants to remain friends as well. In order to explain the process, I'll outline some guidelines about what you can and cannot do.

1. Give each other SPACE! If you have ever been in a relationship that ended you understand how much of an emotional toll it can take on you. For females, I know it feels like the whole world is coming to an end and nothing in the world can make us feel better, especially if we REALLY cared for this individual. Please give each other time and space to figure the world out. If that person still wants to remain friends, they'll come around......believe me. Do not press the issue or they may never come around.
2. Don't get it TWISTED! It's important that you remember that you all broke up for one purpose or another. Your ex is your ex for a reason. Just because they come back around doesn't mean that they want a relationship with you again, it probably just means that they still want you in their life for one reason or another. Find that reason out and conduct yourself accordingly.
3. Know your boundaries! As difficult as it may be (especially if they are one of the sexiest things on Earth) don't cross certain lines, especially if you're the one who did the "breaking up." You may confuse the other person emotionally and that is an issue no one wants to deal with. If you are no longer in a relationship with that person, you don't need to be kissing them, touching them intimately, having "alone time" or saying things that you said when you were in a relationship. You lost that dynamic of the relationship once you all decided to no longer be together. If you notice your ex is trying to "get over" on you, quietly remind him or her that they lost that privilege.....it works every time  If they don't get it, I suggest you remove yourself from the situation and tell that person that you all are simply friends and they need to remember that.

   Now, I don't claim to know it all, but these are some of the things that I have learned while keeping a strong and meaningful friendship with my ex-boyfriend. While it did take a month or two for us to start talking again, once we did it was smooth sailing. It was almost like we never lost a beat. He knows his place and I know mine. While he occasionally does step out of line, I correct him, but in a male's mind if you are giving him any type of time he believes he has a chance of getting the good stuff (NOPE!!!) He didn't get it in the relationship and I hope he knows that he's definitely not getting anything outside of the relationship.

Anyway, these are just a few guidelines. If you have any others or you don't agree with what I said, feel free to comment below...your point of view is always welcome! XOXO